[News] Callie Lewis

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notjustyetagain

notjustyetagain

Oct 28, 2019
168
992
i really hope that this post isn't damaging to SS. that is not my intention at all. i'm not a very sane/rational person and my thought processes are questionable. but given that disclaimer, i feel compelled to offer an alternative view regarding the pushback at the potential of some members still being alive had they not found SS:

many here are suffering hopelessly and immensely. living in such a condition isn't something to condone, let alone celebrate. there are suggestions that some people -- suffering hopelessly and immensely -- might still be alive were it not for SS. yes.. and? unless i'm misunderstanding something fundamental to the ultimate importance of one's quality of life, that's a bad thing.

it seems uncontroversial that SS's members disseminate peaceful suicide methods. it seems uncontroversial that this information is used in the enactment of peaceful suicide methods. it seems uncontroversial that some suicidal people who would not e.g. jump in front of a train, would instead e.g. take nembutal. people who suffer hopelessly and immensely, and who have acquired a humane way to end their lives thanks to information from the PPeH, SS, etc. no longer need to wait for their condition to become so desperately unbearable that they choose need to jump in front of a train. they may now instead need choose to end their lives without resorting to a method that is even more traumatic than their lives. unless i'm misunderstanding something fundamental to the ultimate importance of one's quality of life, that's a good thing.

if the above premises are sound, then it seems uncontroversial that SS plays a vital role in reducing hopeless suffering. i suggest that this, in turn, is the most vital role of every pro-choice suicide resource: providing mercy to people whose lives are merciless. the life-blood of SS is compassion. you want to see people urging others to kill themselves? try reading the comments to vulnerable and/or stigmatised people on facebook or youtube!

dear stranger: i'm happy to face the reality that SS can -- and does -- provide people with information that allows them a peaceful means to commit suicide. are you happy to face the reality that hopeless suffering can -- and for the sake of compassion, should! -- be remedied by death? the implicit suggestion behind this self-righteous outrage -- that everyone's life can be magicked into being tolerable, let alone worthwhile -- can be paraphrased as "your suffering, and all your attempts to ameliorate it, mean nothing". fuck that. [EDIT: clarification]
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Visionary
Jun 12, 2018
955
5,515
Hello everyone.

I just wanted to let you know that we're all possibly misgendering Callie. According to their posts in this forum, they identify as male.

That's one example:
Female sex (androgynous-male gender), 163cm, around 47kg I think
Here is another post, where they refereed to themselves explicitly as "physically" female:
Other: 24, physically female, would prefer a female partner if possible
This is another indication that they might identify as male and maybe experience gender dysphoria.

Ha, I don't have an Adam's apple unfortunately (female physiology)
Their tumblr post also have some hints in regards to that. I'm not sure what's the conclusion. Callie never identified as transgender and never clarified their preferred pronouns, they also never corrected others who used female pronouns. It's still weird for me to think, that the whole forum is probably misgendering them based on their appearance.

I just wanted to point that out. The media is doing the exact same mistake, probably because Callie was still in an early phase if they actually were trans. It looks like they didn't even tell their parents yet and only describe themselves as "male" in certain internet spaces. I think we should take this into consideration when we refer to Callie, considering they are dead now and we respect their gender identity. I'm not sure if they wanted to be remembered as a female person, especially on TV. But that's what's happening now and as someone who is trans, I imagine that's a very horrible thing.
 
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HopeDiesLast

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
181
471
I just wanted to let you know that we're all possibly misgendering Callie. According to their posts in this forum, they identify as male.

I think we should take this into consideration when we refer to Callie, considering they are dead now and we respect their gender identity. I'm not sure if they wanted to be remembered as a female person, especially on TV. But that's what's happening now and as someone who is trans, I imagine that's a very horrible thing.
I mean no disrespect to you, Callie or any trans person.

But I sure as heck hope that wherever Callie is now, they don't give a crap about the way the media or some internet forum refers to them. What's the point of CTB if we still have to worry about this kind of stuff even after we're dead? Do you imagine Callie watching this and fuming because we're possibly misgendering them?
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Visionary
Jun 12, 2018
955
5,515
I mean no disrespect to you, Callie or any trans person.

But I sure as heck hope that wherever Callie is now, they don't give a crap about the way the media or some internet forum refers to them. What's the point of CTB if we still have to worry about this kind of stuff even after we're dead? Do you imagine Callie watching this and fuming because we're possibly misgendering them?
No, that's not the point. We should just respect them, that's all I'm saying. Of course Callie is gone and she won't come back ever but I don't feel comfortable referring to them to a certain way if we don't know more about their identity.
 
voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
382
703
No, that's not the point. We should just respect them, that's all I'm saying. Of course Callie is gone and she won't come back ever but I don't feel comfortable referring to them to a certain way if we don't know more about their identity.
Maybe we should then respect the person, not the gender. Don't mean to virtue signal, and I understand where you're coming from, but considering she referred to herself as biologically female and didn't make a big deal out of it in her last post I presume (yes) that she wouldn't fault us for it. I am trying to respect her wishes, and think that's what this issue is about, but imho we shouldn't get upset by such trivial things (that's not what I mean and you know it :P). If you think now "oh, Voyager you stupid cunt", that's fine, might take offense to the insult, but not the fact that I'm actually a dickhead. *hugs*
 
S

S1mpleme

Master
Dec 27, 2019
473
507
Read in news about Callie Lewis, such a bullshit they wrote. Like she found the website accidentally and people in here made her to kill herself and did nothing to save her life. Why those smart asses such as family and friends didn't try that? She is human, not a thing. She has rights, feelings and thoughts and if she decided to do so, they have to respect her choice, not to blame people in here for no reason. Callie is dead, and they don't respect her even now. Who would want to live in a world full of untruth?
 
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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - time is getting closer...
Aug 30, 2018
3,805
12,524
@LMFAO FOCKERS Good perspective and it makes a lot of sense logically and economically. Thank you for sharing this perspective with us. I do wonder though, if someday in the future, peaceful assisted suicide/voluntary euthanasia is more profitable and new jobs in the medical industry are created as a result of it (voluntary euthanasia screeners, euthanasia panels (made of many mental health and medical professionals), and even an overseeing board that oversees the entire process to ensure that no abuse or misuse happens), would government and society slowly accept it?

@notjustyetagain Good post and well written. Yes, this place is really one of a kind and this is one of the places where I am not only able to express my opinions and sentiments without censorship and judgment or fear of hospiitalization, but also the only active place where one can discuss "methods" unlike many other places.

@The nerd I share the same sentiments as well. During summer 2018 I was in a bad, dark place, desolate and desperate, feeling really shitty and wanting to take control of my destiny (when it comes to finding a way out). After reddit's banning of the SS and TSS subreddits, I was on TTG for a while but after that subreddit slowly deteriorated (partly because of reddit's shitty policies), I found myself on this forum. During those times, I found solace in the community here, where I am able to speak my mind, hold my opinions and views without censorship nor judgment. I also found my method which has brought me peace knowing that I have a (reliable) way to check out should I ever decide to use it in the future.

@S1mpleme Good point, I too, dislike how the news article reported the facts, they are branding her like a 'victim' of suicide when in reality she made her decision by herself and went to great lengths to (eventually) find peace. All the people who tried to intervene do not respect her decision (as well as her good friend and family). I too, would not wish to live in a "world full of untruth" and is a part of the reasons why I will eventually CTB (among many other reasons).
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Visionary
Jun 12, 2018
955
5,515
Maybe we should then respect the person, not the gender. Don't mean to virtue signal, and I understand where you're coming from, but considering she referred to herself as biologically female and didn't make a big deal out of it in her last post I presume (yes) that she wouldn't fault us for it. I am trying to respect her wishes, and think that's what this issue is about, but imho we shouldn't get upset by such trivial things (that's not what I mean and you know it :P). If you think now "oh, Voyager you stupid cunt", that's fine, might take offense to the insult, but not the fact that I'm actually a dickhead. *hugs*
I understand your point. Callie referred to themselves as "physically" female and on their tumblr website, they said they don't mind the pronouns. You're right in that regards. As I said, they were probably in a very early stage and still figuring out their identity and most likely Callie didn't inform their friends and family (they all referred to Callie as 'her' in the documentary). It looks like Callie just went with their male identity online, for example, they causally said they identified as male in one of their first posts on SS and it didn't look like it was a huge deal to them. But as a transgender person, I understand the importance of correct gendering. I don't want to hijack this thread with something completely unrelated, I just thought it might be interesting or important to point out the few instances where Callie made hints towards being transgender. And it's kinda mind-boggling to me that BBC completely missed that point. Like, them being transgender could have played a massive role in their decision making and the fact that the documentary doesn't even at least mention that, means the BBC didn't even read through one of their first posts in this forum, where Callie introduced themselves as male. You have to understand, trans people have a very high suicide rate and it's definitely worth looking into. The BBC documentary is poor by journalistic standards.
 
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voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
382
703
I understand your point. Callie referred to themselves as "physically" female and on their tumblr website, they said they don't mind the pronouns. You're right in that regards. As I said, they were probably in a very early stage and still figuring out their identity and most likely Callie didn't inform their friends and family (they all referred to Callie as 'her' in the documentary). It looks like Callie just went with their male identity online, for example, they causally said they identified as male in one of their first posts on SS and it didn't look like it was a huge deal to them. But as a transgender person, I understand the importance of correct gendering. I don't want to hijack this thread with something completely unrelated, I just thought it might be interesting or important to point out the few instances where Callie made hints towards being transgender. And it's kinda mind-boggling to me that BBC completely missed that point. Like, them being transgender could have played a massive role in their decision making and the fact that the documentary doesn't even at least mention that, means the BBC didn't even read through one of their first posts in this forum, where Callie introduced themselves as male. You have to understand, trans people have a very high suicide rate and it's definitely worth looking into. The BBC documentary is poor by journalistic standards.
Glad you didn't take it the wrong way and I do feel it was an interesting point to make, because it tells me something about her. Was meaning to ask anyway what Callie's handle was on here to read some of her posts. But you know what you wrote about the BBC is the point, they just don't care about the facts because they, like so many in the media and society, are simply trying to push an agenda and ignore the surrounding issues. To me self-determination is at the heart of the issue, and sexual identity is a part of that, but no one in the UK would've locked her up for such statements, but they would, and did, when she made statements about intentions of killing herself, making a fundamental choice on her life. This paternalism disgusts me. They think we belong to them, that they know better than we ourselves, and when one concedes that then all other issues of repression fall into place. I simply despise authority, because we should be seen as equals on this planet and all be able to decide for ourselves without restrictions no matter the issue (well, again, you know). Btw, I have heard about the high suicide rate among trans people, and I can relate, I'm not trans myself, but I can't live the life I want and my mind is quite a mess, so I do feel you.
 
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HopeDiesLast

Veteran
Dec 28, 2019
181
471
I understand your point. Callie referred to themselves as "physically" female and on their tumblr website, they said they don't mind the pronouns. You're right in that regards. As I said, they were probably in a very early stage and still figuring out their identity and most likely Callie didn't inform their friends and family (they all referred to Callie as 'her' in the documentary). It looks like Callie just went with their male identity online, for example, they causally said they identified as male in one of their first posts on SS and it didn't look like it was a huge deal to them. But as a transgender person, I understand the importance of correct gendering. I don't want to hijack this thread with something completely unrelated, I just thought it might be interesting or important to point out the few instances where Callie made hints towards being transgender. And it's kinda mind-boggling to me that BBC completely missed that point. Like, them being transgender could have played a massive role in their decision making and the fact that the documentary doesn't even at least mention that, means the BBC didn't even read through one of their first posts in this forum, where Callie introduced themselves as male. You have to understand, trans people have a very high suicide rate and it's definitely worth looking into. The BBC documentary is poor by journalistic standards.
Gender identity wasn't the focus of the documentary, so it makes sense for them not to mention it. The program already covered multiple issues (the failures of the mental health system, suicide, this forum)...and introducing gender identity into the mix would have taken the focus away from the already complicated main issues.

It also did not seem like Callie made their gender preference known to those closest to them...nor did they make a big deal about it in their online presence. Perhaps Callie would NOT have wanted to be "ousted" as (possibly) transgender on national television after their death? Ever think of that?
 
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Mainlænder

Mainlænder

I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling
May 20, 2019
129
301
I know what I'm going to write is naive and pointless, simply words that at this point mean nothing, nevertheless I want to put it here: I've been reading her last messages in her goodbye thread and I feel really sad for not having been able to meet her (and I don't say it lightly), because she seemed to be a lovely human being, but at the same time I am very happy because she will not suffer anymore.

If their parents could read this I am sorry for what you are going through, I hope time help you to understand her reasons (that are ours).
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Visionary
Jun 12, 2018
955
5,515
Gender identity wasn't the focus of the documentary, so it makes sense for them not to mention it. The program already covered multiple issues (the failures of the mental health system, suicide, this forum)...and introducing gender identity into the mix would have taken the focus away from the already complicated main issues.

It also did not seem like Callie made their gender preference known to those closest to them...nor did they make a big deal about it in their online presence. Perhaps Callie would NOT have wanted to be "ousted" as (possibly) transgender on national television after their death? Ever think of that?
The documentary pretends that the failure of the NHS is the only factor for the suicide. And that's why the documentary is flawed. It's a one-dimensional and simplistic documentary, pretending that enough people can be saved if you just lock up enough of them into psych wards. Also, you can't possibly cover the circumstances of an individuals death in a 30 minutes documentary. That alone seems lazy to me. So yeah, maybe they should have digged a little bit more into their case, maybe give Callie a voice too, present their reasons and thoughts on suicide, what was important to them in their last moments - instead of focusing entirely on the NHS and how outrageous it was, that an adult human being took matters into their own hands. How dare they did that. There is never one single factor that makes someone commit suicide. Humans are complex beings. Maybe, just maybe, instead of presenting us, the forum, as evil, they could have talked a little bit more about more important things, don't you think?

But you're right, it was obviously a low priority to them. But they were in a very suicidal state, I think the only priority at that point was leaving. You can kinda read from the goodbye thread that they were desperate.
 
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Vicepuma

Vicepuma

Doggo
Jul 16, 2018
30
111
It's 2020 and people still want to ban any and all discussion of suicide. I think it's because a lot of people are afraid. People who are doing "ok" don't want to hear about the dark side of life. People don't want to hear there are other people out there who want to end their life.

I think it's refreshing to have a place like this. Talking about it and sharing experiences is imo a great thing. And some people do get better. Other people end up actually committing suicide, and that's ok. It was their decision.

It's so easy to be anti-suicide when you're not the person dealing with the issues.
 
Quarky00

Quarky00

Illuminated
Dec 17, 2019
1,016
2,061
I am shocked .

I am shocked Callie's deep and thoughtful testimony was not the centre of a "documentary" about her death .

I am shocked she pointed accurately and poignantly towards wrongdoings of society -- to be ignored once again .

And I am mostly shocked Callie , her words , your daughter! -- is still ignored by you her parents ; even in her death .

I understand your painful grief and the huge aching hole that opened in your compassionate soul . I share your pain . And I welcome you turning it into a cause . But I am sad the cause is harmful and blind . You , her parents are blindly attacking everyone for vengeance -- rather than seeking to act upon her last will and testimony . You are disrespecting your daughter's wishes , and act like martyrs . People are saved here ; this place saved my life . It's not a suicide forum nor is it "pro-choice" per se -- but a community your daughter was missing in real life . Your crusade is malicious and sadly there's not much sense you can talk into suicide-bombers (the irony) .

We must therefore pound the truth -- unequivocal , uncompromising , unmoved :heart:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, Callie here

If you’re reading this, chances are my attempt to leave the world via carbon monoxide poisoning has been successful. Assuming it was, my death would have occurred in the early hours of the 28th August 2018 in the South Lakeland region of Cumbria, England.

If you happen to be religious, please pray for me to be treated compassionately in my next life, as I will be praying beforehand for this as well, as a relatively quick and painless death, despite my lack of religion.

Many people say suicide is selfish. To those, I would want to ask: is it not also selfish to expect someone to live, when existing seems to them intolerable?

None of us ask to be born, but we can decide when to die and in my eyes that right is fundamental; a human right, just like any other.

People stigmatise death, especially voluntary death, because to them it seems the most terrible thing they can imagine. To that, I say, what is so bad about death? The universe is so very old and will continue to exist long into the future, perhaps indefinitely. So why does it make a difference if someone dies at 20 or at 80, provided their life was not taken against their will?

As an autistic, I long for a world where autistic people can exist happily, but I’m not sure this can ever happen. I have pretty much given up on the world at this point. It’s not designed for people like me.

So who am I in this world? An autistic, chronically depressed, jobless, homeless in effect waste of space who was born into a female body but probably isn’t. Born to a teenage single mother, raised by a grandmother who is now dead and fated to a life where anything I attach to will be my undoing.

Dying isn’t something alien to me. I first began to think about suicide around the age of 7. As a child, I was intelligent and had a seemingly bright future, but that rarely translates into the adult world.

The only thing I really regret is losing the two people closest to me. Mostly, however, I am sad about losing hope, for it is only hope that keeps us going.

I’m also tired. To quote The Green Mile, “I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head all the time.”


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is the true story of Callie Lewis -- her parents don't want you to see .

Like Callie Lewis I am also tired of people being ugly to each other ; YOU ARE KILLING US .
 
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BooGirl

BooGirl

Arcanist
Jan 10, 2020
514
624
This whole thing is so stupid. Like, 6 months before I found this site, I found that ash document that's been floating around forever, and is probably gonna still be floating around 30 years from now. You can't just magic away suicide methods. What you could magic away is the community, and that's what they seem to want to do.
 
omoidarui

omoidarui

hai
Apr 30, 2019
456
1,082
not this again !

Looking at the documentary, I’m glad for a different narrative to last year’s: according to this media outlet we’re “vulnerable individuals who try to support each other but are in no state to do so”. At least it’s a small step up from being called sick monsters and/or murderers by the BuzzFeed article and its followers.

Thanks again to the admins who stand in the firing line and keep the site going in the wake of a public outcry, where most people would probably succumb to the fear of legal repercussions
 
justanotherhuman6

justanotherhuman6

Alone is alone not alive
Feb 11, 2020
52
75
Can someone please share the method she used, I can't find the original post.
 
Supertramp

Supertramp

Member
Feb 9, 2020
11
27
If it comes to a legal battle and you seek donations please let us know.
 
Supertramp

Supertramp

Member
Feb 9, 2020
11
27
Can someone please share the method she used, I can't find the original post.
I believe their* goodbye letter is located in the original post within this thread. You'll have to show more of the comment because it's collapsed.

edit: I also thought I would add, that the thought of losing this resource actually pushes me closer to wanting to move the date up for fear of society censoring SS.
 
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angel-of-the-night

angel-of-the-night

Member
Feb 2, 2020
17
146
If I never discovered this forum, and I heard there was a site where people discuss suicide methods and 'encourage each other to use them' I'd also be horrified and sickened.

But when you browse here for a bit you realise it's a lot more complicated than that. No one comes here because they're doing well. A lot of people here are suffering immensely and have fallen through the cracks of the system. They have exhausted all their options. They already made their decision to leave, but just don't know how to do it in the most dignified manner. Also I have never seen anyone encouraging others to ctb here. That would be very messed up.

It's good to talk about feeling suicidal without people wanting to institutionalise you. I've called suicide hotlines in the past and they just did not work for me. I am starting therapy soon, but I can say that speaking to different people here has made me feel a lot better.
 
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Supertramp

Supertramp

Member
Feb 9, 2020
11
27
It's good to talk about feeling suicidal without people wanting to institutionalise you. I've called suicide hotlines in the past and they just did not work for me. I am starting therapy soon, but I can say that speaking to different people here has made me feel a lot better.
This, one thousand times this. I feel so isolated because I can't talk to people about what I want. People misinterpret my loneliness as not having anyone, but my problem is that I don't have the support I need, that's what makes me feel lonely and isolated. I just contacted the veterans crisis hotline and they tried to guilt trip me, it's insane. Already this forum has eased me and made me feel less alone. Thank you for saying this so concise.
 
C

calendulo

Elementalist
Jun 13, 2019
721
648
That is not going to sound good or fine.
Excuses in advance, either my poor english level or just I am a guy not quite smart. It is allowed to critic.

Although this trhead is a whole success, and I've read some comments very caustics or sarcastics.
Shawn Satto (one t or two t, do not remember) was more impressive to me than Callie Lewis. Spend two days thinking how.......
To be honest, I understood better her mother.
Callie Lewis look likes more artificial, maybe the report, seems like all pieces are fitted. Too much imperfect.
I know It is a weird idea and a bad comparative.
Where she and she, (together or not) were looking us. I hope both was happy.

Add: Forget it. As Moral I will say never I'll never see another report about biopics or same kind.
 
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J

Jean Améry

Ascended
Mar 17, 2019
858
2,930
She had to live! See... What do you think, how does that feel to a person who sees themselves as an autonomous, free person?
They deny freedom and individual autonomy plain and simple: they do not even care about 'preserving life' per se (if they did they'd be in Africa genuinly saving lives) only but about stifling freedom and imposing their moral views on others.

'Anti choice' describes them accurately. Aswell as 'anti freedom'. 'Reactionary' is also a good term.
 
xxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxx

Member
Dec 27, 2019
26
38
this is my personal msg for callie. i am sorry that ur final words n ur pain were ignored. u used perfect words, n explained it so well, i can only imagine to explain my reasons they way u did... i ve never known u , but the few words u left tells me ure amazing n make me wish i was more like u , n could hv been ur friend... rest in peace callie.
 
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