Boredom and ctb

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Sadkitty

Member
May 16, 2020
49
401
God, this freaking depression makes me feel no joy or interest. The boredom(?) increases my anxiety and makes me want to ctb even more. I don't want to watch tv or read or walk. I can't talk to anyone because all I can think of is dying. The only things that helped I can never do again because of this freaking virus. I feel so trapped. Does this make sense to anyone?
 
TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Angelic
Aug 27, 2018
2,113
6,732
It definitely makes sense to me I am so bored which is why I drink several times a week just to feel maybe 3-5% less bored at least I am pre-occupied. Everything is boring I watch the same series and movies over again and again, I don´t have a job because I can´t due to physical problems which is my throat problems which also makes me hate eating food despite food tastes good.

I don´t even enjoy video games anymore but once in a while I try and force myself to play like yesterday after not having played video games for months so I tried Counter Strike Source but after 37 minutes I stopped, life just isn´t fun anymore I have a thread named "I have lived a full life" where I explain in detail about why life is so boring I apparently can´t find it I think the search option is broke atm.

Firstly I know it´s because of extreme apathy that I don´t enjoy anything anymore but also because of my age (26) e.g. as a child and even teenager playing a new video game was new and exciting now every game is the same just with better graphics. And the same for movies they are so predictable now, the hero never dies and if he/she does they will magically come back to life in an attempt to subvert our expectations where as a child you never knew what would happen because it was all new.

And the only hobby I sort of enjoy is shooting at the gun range but because of this virus shit it has been closed and I haven´t been able to go shooting for about 3 month now and since I have no friends at all and haven´t had for years the only time I get some sort of social interaction is at the gun club even though it´s very little.
 
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Sadkitty

Member
May 16, 2020
49
401
Yeah, even when I would travel, I'd have tickets for something and just not go. I'd lay there in my hotel hating myself because I'm on this trip to enjoy myself and I waste money because I can't get out of bed...on a trip. My sister said she didn't understand how I could do that, waste the money.
I love her, my mom and my one friend. But I don't even want to see them anymore. I'm a shell of a person and am horrible company. It just makes me feel more guilt.
Where are you where a gun range is closed? I mean, the indoor ones at least have stayed open here as essential businesses.
 
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melancholy_lily

Member
May 21, 2020
6
10
Yeah. Since the state shutdown my apartment feels like prison, I now work and exist in the same scene all day every day. I can’t focus on TV or music, if I go out for a walk or drive I don’t feel better. My city will probably be one of the last to reopen, I don’t see how I can do another month+ of this.
 
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nnnerve

nnnerve

im so depressed i cant even blink
Jun 19, 2019
280
568
I'm here too. Passing time is such a hassle and I miss caring about things. It's like a little rain puddle drying up.

Things I used to love are now things I plod through to kill time until it's late enough to take my sleep meds and go to bed. If time didn't pass so slowly when you're staring at the wall for the whole day, that's what I'd be doing.
 
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