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Venting Being guilted into living

411esme

411esme

Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2020
Messages
13
"If you kill yourself, you just pass your pain onto others".
I'm told this over and over and over again. It comes up nearly every time I discuss the possibility of suicide.
Your family would never recover. Your friends would feel pain. Why would you choose to do something so selfish?

Yes, suicide has a ripple effect. Things will become invariably worse for the people close to me. I acknowledge that people would mourn.
The fallout from suicide is horrendous. I've experienced it myself. Nothing is the same in the wake of it. I know.
But my pain still remains, in spite of this.

Suicide is selfish? Maybe so.

But it's selfish of others to ask me to remain when I have been in pain for nearly a decade with no recourse. It's selfish of others to refuse to acknowledge that, as a human, I have bodily autonomy, my own free will, that my life is mine and mine alone, and I have the right to end it whenever I so choose. I refuse to live in near agony, with no treatment having ever helped, with no end in sight, no sign that things will get better - I refuse to subject myself to a miserable existence solely because the people around me are uncomfortable with the idea that they will have to mourn, dust themselves off, and then move on.
My life is not yours. I am not the family dog that you can put off euthanizing. I refuse to stay wallowing in pain solely for your benefit.
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Angelic
Joined
Aug 19, 2019
Messages
2,379
People are like broken machines. I say that the only reason I die is that the one closest to me forces me to, and I still get that. I am sorry but who will the pain pass on to? Murderer? Friends will be sad and then move on.
 
almost_dead

almost_dead

Specialist
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
353
conclusion : We all are selfish . (suicidal or not)
 
R

RandomDude1234

Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2018
Messages
33
Suicide is selfish? Yeah it is.
But is being selfish so wrong? Isn't everyone who is asking me to live on, not being selfish themselves? Aren't they just letting me suffer so that they don't have to deal with the fallout.

I'm sure people mean good when they say please don't kill yourself. But they aren't me; they don't know the struggle of being me.
 
Deathbydemo

Deathbydemo

Wise
Joined
Feb 15, 2020
Messages
288
The real selfishness is expecting others to live with horrific, unimaginable pain. Those who can’t understand that pain or needing to be free of it simply haven’t experienced it themselves. It’s an ignorant way to think but most people are just oblivious to how deep others’ suffering can be.
 
RC90

RC90

-
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
303
The government doesn’t care about us anyway, they should legalise euthanasia like Belgium, Holland and Switzerland , they have that for depressed people. It’s expensive as hell and you need to see 5 different shrinks and they all have to agree on the same decision. It’s around 25 thousand euros though.
 
Infinite Conscious

Infinite Conscious

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
88
Technically, they may be right.
No energy (in this case pain) is lost, it is only redistributed onto others.
But there are several "others", so each person would get a "portion" of the pain you are suffering yourself.
So don't worry too much about that "argument", life always goes on and time eventually cures everything (or makes us numb).

Most of people around us don't have to wake up in the morning, instantly feeling the way most of us feel (when we see no reason to get up at all), so prolonging the suffering just to spare others from some "discomfort" or even sincere mourning to a degree - is not the reason to hold us back.
Our suffering is subjective and we should never expect others to understand... They just can't.

Don't feel guilt.
Christianity is great at making people feel guilty from the moment they leave the mother's womb.
And through centuries that guilt has been coded onto our DNA.
No reason for guilt-trips whatsoever.
 
Last edited:
RC90

RC90

-
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
303
Technically, they may be right.
No energy (in this case pain) is lost, it is only redistributed onto others.
But there are several "others", so each person would get a "portion" of the pain you are suffering yourself.
So don't worry too much about that "argument", life always goes on and time eventually cures everything (or makes us numb).

Most of people around us don't have to wake up in the morning, instantly feeling the way most of us feel (when we see no reason to get up at all), so prolonging the suffering just to spare others from some "discomfort" or even sincere mourning to a degree - is not the reason to hold us back.
Our suffering is subjective and we should never expect others to understand... They just can't.

Don't feel guilt.
Christianity is great at making people feel guilty from the moment they leave the mother's womb.
And through centuries that guilt some been coded onto our DNA.
No reason for guilt-trips whatsoever.
Well said!
 
Dead beat dad

Dead beat dad

Enlightened
Joined
Mar 5, 2019
Messages
846
"If you kill yourself, you just pass your pain onto others".
I'm told this over and over and over again. It comes up nearly every time I discuss the possibility of suicide.
Your family would never recover. Your friends would feel pain. Why would you choose to do something so selfish?

Yes, suicide has a ripple effect. Things will become invariably worse for the people close to me. I acknowledge that people would mourn.
The fallout from suicide is horrendous. I've experienced it myself. Nothing is the same in the wake of it. I know.
But my pain still remains, in spite of this.

Suicide is selfish? Maybe so.

But it's selfish of others to ask me to remain when I have been in pain for nearly a decade with no recourse. It's selfish of others to refuse to acknowledge that, as a human, I have bodily autonomy, my own free will, that my life is mine and mine alone, and I have the right to end it whenever I so choose. I refuse to live in near agony, with no treatment having ever helped, with no end in sight, no sign that things will get better - I refuse to subject myself to a miserable existence solely because the people around me are uncomfortable with the idea that they will have to mourn, dust themselves off, and then move on.
My life is not yours. I am not the family dog that you can put off euthanizing. I refuse to stay wallowing in pain solely for your benefit.
Right on friend.
When someone does themselves in and people call it selfish or whatever they don't realise that (certainly the folk I've spoke to here), a lot of people agonise over this question, and choose love of others and suffering of self over the alternative.
We don't make these choices because they are selfish, cowardly or easy, we make it because a lot of the time (and excuse my French here) for want of a better word we are f***ed.
For many of us, just to get in to the detail of the pit of despair we inhabit is just exhausting, you can't articulate it, even to yourself, how can anyone understand?

There are selfish reasons to kill yourself (think Nazi at Neurenburg type scenarios), but broadly speaking I'd say most of the people here are good, kind, compassionate people who are f***ed somewhat ironically by others who have a slightly more morally flexible approach (except of course when it comes to our choice to CTB).
Nice thread man, opened something dark in me, sorry for the rant!
Love and respect brother
DBD
 
OnlyTheWind

OnlyTheWind

Let's roll
Joined
Aug 29, 2020
Messages
193
Ironic how these pro-lifers will use arguments like this and tell you to be "strong" but then be afraid of the pain associated with someones suicide. Can't take your own medicine, huh?
 
RC90

RC90

-
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
303
Right on friend.
When someone does themselves in and people call it selfish or whatever they don't realise that (certainly the folk I've spoke to here), a lot of people agonise over this question, and choose love of others and suffering of self over the alternative.
We don't make these choices because they are selfish, cowardly or easy, we make it because a lot of the time (and excuse my French here) for want of a better word we are f***ed.
For many of us, just to get in to the detail of the pit of despair we inhabit is just exhausting, you can't articulate it, even to yourself, how can anyone understand?

There are selfish reasons to kill yourself (think Nazi at Neurenburg type scenarios), but broadly speaking I'd say most of the people here are good, kind, compassionate people who are f***ed somewhat ironically by others who have a slightly more morally flexible approach (except of course when it comes to our choice to CTB).
Nice thread man, opened something dark in me, sorry for the rant!
Love and respect brother
DBD
I love the way you write, so realistic and caring at the same time.
 
T

tidalwxves

Veteran
Joined
Sep 8, 2020
Messages
144
"If you kill yourself, you just pass your pain onto others".
I'm told this over and over and over again. It comes up nearly every time I discuss the possibility of suicide.
Your family would never recover. Your friends would feel pain. Why would you choose to do something so selfish?

Yes, suicide has a ripple effect. Things will become invariably worse for the people close to me. I acknowledge that people would mourn.
The fallout from suicide is horrendous. I've experienced it myself. Nothing is the same in the wake of it. I know.
But my pain still remains, in spite of this.

Suicide is selfish? Maybe so.

But it's selfish of others to ask me to remain when I have been in pain for nearly a decade with no recourse. It's selfish of others to refuse to acknowledge that, as a human, I have bodily autonomy, my own free will, that my life is mine and mine alone, and I have the right to end it whenever I so choose. I refuse to live in near agony, with no treatment having ever helped, with no end in sight, no sign that things will get better - I refuse to subject myself to a miserable existence solely because the people around me are uncomfortable with the idea that they will have to mourn, dust themselves off, and then move on.
My life is not yours. I am not the family dog that you can put off euthanizing. I refuse to stay wallowing in pain solely for your benefit.
Only you know your limits. If it's too much for you, it's too much. No one else can determine that. That's what so beautiful about this space, people get that this is your decision! It's the only place I know of like it. I hope you find peace
 
N

Nurse T

Member
Joined
Aug 23, 2020
Messages
43
"If you kill yourself, you just pass your pain onto others".
I'm told this over and over and over again. It comes up nearly every time I discuss the possibility of suicide.
Your family would never recover. Your friends would feel pain. Why would you choose to do something so selfish?

Yes, suicide has a ripple effect. Things will become invariably worse for the people close to me. I acknowledge that people would mourn.
The fallout from suicide is horrendous. I've experienced it myself. Nothing is the same in the wake of it. I know.
But my pain still remains, in spite of this.

Suicide is selfish? Maybe so.

But it's selfish of others to ask me to remain when I have been in pain for nearly a decade with no recourse. It's selfish of others to refuse to acknowledge that, as a human, I have bodily autonomy, my own free will, that my life is mine and mine alone, and I have the right to end it whenever I so choose. I refuse to live in near agony, with no treatment having ever helped, with no end in sight, no sign that things will get better - I refuse to subject myself to a miserable existence solely because the people around me are uncomfortable with the idea that they will have to mourn, dust themselves off, and then move on.
My life is not yours. I am not the family dog that you can put off euthanizing. I refuse to stay wallowing in pain solely for your benefit.
I couldn’t of put this better myself! I’m being watched lately because people know I am close to CTB, it’s difficult when everyone around you is on edge.
It is my fault though, I rushed a decision on Tues last week to just have some peace and took an overdose, now dealing with the consequences. But I will bide my time and have started planning SN route. I really wanted to get N but listening to some of the threads on here, not sure if C is that reliable at the mo. X
 

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