Dead are useless if not to love the living more
- Feb 13, 2020
Taking my distances from the site, for 1-2-3-what’s necessary weeks (not planning), in order to get a few of my shit together, give myself some well deserved rest, plus a little brainstorming: breathe
The past month has been a thrill, but exhausting & overwhelming. Made valuable new friendships and solidified some to a great extent.
Due to getting more involved, also been approached more than I cared to handle. Please stop contacting about technicalities (methods, privacy), I’ve been around the world of these things. On pause, gimme some hiatus.
Not even considering the abnormalities I went through in 20 years, how many countless merciless knees down to stand up again, I grew physically weak. I need to stop playing with fire, disrespecting myself, cause it propagates to my soul. I’m noticing a deterioration in my potential abilities, which I need to cut short. I too know the signs of dangerous imbalance and there are old time mental friends I don’t want to see pop again, since my will is on the rise.
Will take this time off to get some basic education covered to ignite a fresh life hygiene, which I definitely need to not capitulate. I just want a little control back, to be able to build up next, with higher improvisation.
Thanks to all the people who gave me either inspiration, support, ideas to trial. I’m on a couple tracks, gonna explore a bit. Maybe if bravery & luck strike together, I’ll also stop postponing overdue promises made to myself.
Aside, being tempted to take a huge gamble on the hourglass of my futur, that will freeze me with some PTSD and likely prevent my focus. I just don’t wanna be around only a quarter at disposal, also against my own interest. If I cannot be attentive at full potential, I feel barely interested & torn apart.
Deciding to give myself better chances, since some failures alongside my quests could make me lose my heart, which only would drive me deeper into statue, hibernation, if not crucifixion mode.
This represents an announcement I‘m choosing to slide into recovery... May or may not keep updated of progress, but especially to get myself accountable
Special thanks to @Living sucks (Severely impressed, too many qualities to list), @K-O (...), @Mainlaender (mi hermano), even @BlackPoppet more recently, (for the taste) or @Myforevercharlie (varied perspective).
I feel empowered to stop holding my breath and hold above water again, which I had never put a Kopec at stake just moments ago
Coming up to the end
These feelings weren't always pretend
Review your whole life and you don't even have to die
Life would never leave me alone
A choice which way i wanted to go
And everything I've seen is wrong to make me what I'll be
You don't need anyone
Just hold on to the end
And you don't even have to look good
You do fine on your own
You're free to cry and you don't have to wipe your eyes
You once saved me
And now I'm where you want me to be
Ascending endlessly and I don't even have to try
...until we meet again !
sooner than later