Apology- Not dead yet

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spanishguy22

spanishguy22

ctb the goal
Apr 9, 2019
795
1,447
22
Hey guys so I posted a goodbye thread a while ago.
Well, I went ahead and went to the place I had chosen and I was just so worried but decided to go for it anyway.
I found a spot hidden from any monkeys that could interfer and settled.
I didn't have anything to lie on because I half-assed the preparation.
Anyway went ahead and started taking the benzos (SN method BTW) and took 6mg. Now I know that's so overkill because I think I vomited due to it. I'll explain later

I took those and I moved out my spot to check my phone one last time to check parents aren't worried. Just paranoid. Had to move hundreds meters somewhere I could have phone signal.
Did so and tried going back to my place. It was all dark at this point late night so I didn't have a clue where I had put my shit and got lost like an idiot. I was also full hangover from the benzos. I was like drunk. I took the tagamet too BTW and I think it potentiated the 6mg Ativan to like 9 or who knows.

So I couldn't find it and had to give up. I was feeling relaxes at that point. I sincerely thought I would go through with it. But always worried I could fail and somehow end up worse. That's my only reason I'm still here.

So I left everything in my spot. I lost my wallet with 50 euros, the SN, the pills and the bag etc. Whatever I guess.

Guess what my phone ran out of battery just as I was heading out where there would be signal. So now I was far away with no way to come back home.

Anyway I went to the nearby ville and knocked a random house. I got lucky and they opened the door and I was drunk as fuck.
I made up that some friends abandoned me in a drunken state and I needed to call my dad.

He eventually came and I got home. Way home I vommitted everything and passed out in the travel. Felt like shit from the benzos for two days. I followed the metro regimen and it didn't do shit for my vomiting. I'm not sure if it was vomiting from travel and benzos (I get sick easily traveling) or just travel. I think former. Meto is supposed to stop that or not?

Anyway epic fail like my life but it's ok I have more SN just more scared now and less resolve. So I'm stuck. I want a gun. Its the best method and most reliable. I can get a shoty. No handgun. Or F.
Not sure. Just hating living hating my horrible luck in life everyday and want to die so bad. Always alone.

Sorry for not updating and lurking. Im really embarrassed and probably won't read responses here due to social rejection possibility which I had a lot in life and fucked my brain the first place.

My takeaways from that were:
1. No more than 3mg Ativan to not induce vomit
2. Fuck regimen (also meto made me feel like even more shit and depressed) and go for a strong stat dose.

Sorry again and thanks to everyone who was nice in the goodbye comments. And the people I talked to. Im antisocial too so it takes effort for me to talk really. Just hoping to die soon. Thanks
 
C

calendulo

Member
Jun 13, 2019
91
65
About the gun, forget it. In your country not going to get it. very very difficult.

Try another one method.

If you have had an epic fail, according you:

Why do you believe to have success with SN again?
 
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J

jake3d

Ascended
May 29, 2019
895
1,454
Europe
Welcome back. Just like for everything else, your experience shows that preparation is everything. But it may also mean it was simply not your time to go.

While you were away, some more people left us using SN, including someone that got very dear to me and IMHO deserved to give life another chance. They all did the regimen. Some were using meto, some used domperidone instead. Some vomited, some didn't. It shows that if you are 100% certain that leaving this world is your desire and SN is your means for that, you should prepare a 2nd dose to have at hand if you throw up. And be in an area where you have signal so you can call an ambulance if you change your mind.
 
1

1234dave

Specialist
Oct 5, 2018
342
793
42
Ireland
Hey guys so I posted a goodbye thread a while ago.
Well, I went ahead and went to the place I had chosen and I was just so worried but decided to go for it anyway.
I found a spot hidden from any monkeys that could interfer and settled.
I didn't have anything to lie on because I half-assed the preparation.
Anyway went ahead and started taking the benzos (SN method BTW) and took 6mg. Now I know that's so overkill because I think I vomited due to it. I'll explain later

I took those and I moved out my spot to check my phone one last time to check parents aren't worried. Just paranoid. Had to move hundreds meters somewhere I could have phone signal.
Did so and tried going back to my place. It was all dark at this point late night so I didn't have a clue where I had put my shit and got lost like an idiot. I was also full hangover from the benzos. I was like drunk. I took the tagamet too BTW and I think it potentiated the 6mg Ativan to like 9 or who knows.

So I couldn't find it and had to give up. I was feeling relaxes at that point. I sincerely thought I would go through with it. But always worried I could fail and somehow end up worse. That's my only reason I'm still here.

So I left everything in my spot. I lost my wallet with 50 euros, the SN, the pills and the bag etc. Whatever I guess.

Guess what my phone ran out of battery just as I was heading out where there would be signal. So now I was far away with no way to come back home.

Anyway I went to the nearby ville and knocked a random house. I got lucky and they opened the door and I was drunk as fuck.
I made up that some friends abandoned me in a drunken state and I needed to call my dad.

He eventually came and I got home. Way home I vommitted everything and passed out in the travel. Felt like shit from the benzos for two days. I followed the metro regimen and it didn't do shit for my vomiting. I'm not sure if it was vomiting from travel and benzos (I get sick easily traveling) or just travel. I think former. Meto is supposed to stop that or not?

Anyway epic fail like my life but it's ok I have more SN just more scared now and less resolve. So I'm stuck. I want a gun. Its the best method and most reliable. I can get a shoty. No handgun. Or F.
Not sure. Just hating living hating my horrible luck in life everyday and want to die so bad. Always alone.

Sorry for not updating and lurking. Im really embarrassed and probably won't read responses here due to social rejection possibility which I had a lot in life and fucked my brain the first place.

My takeaways from that were:
1. No more than 3mg Ativan to not induce vomit
2. Fuck regimen (also meto made me feel like even more shit and depressed) and go for a strong stat dose.

Sorry again and thanks to everyone who was nice in the goodbye comments. And the people I talked to. Im antisocial too so it takes effort for me to talk really. Just hoping to die soon. Thanks
How long after taking the Sn did you vomit?
 
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S

SinisterKid

Visionary
Jun 1, 2019
903
1,628
I failed twice 3 yrs ago, so it happens. I was serious, full blown attempt. Still managed to fuck it up. The problem is then, it messes with your head in ways I could never imagine. But theres no shame in getting it wrong. Hopefully you can learn from your mistakes, like I have because if I get it wrong again, then I guess I will have to man up and get on with living, because I cannot go back on a ward and my head is in such a mess I think I would finally just crack up completely. But kudos for being here and telling everyone that this time, it did not work out as you had hoped.
 
D

Donewith_

Wizard
Sep 29, 2018
660
2,115
I'm sorry you have faced social rejection in your life...It feels very bad and I know that it has a effect.. when you try to interact with people.
Firstly, there is no reason to feel embarrassed or to feel sorry.. Actually, it's really good that you have faced no long-lasting side effects from anything. And it doesn't sound like you are on suicide watch (which is common after a attempt).. Which is good too.
Good to see that you have joined this place again..
 
throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,175
4,515
Anyway epic fail like my life but it's ok I have more SN just more scared now and less resolve. So I'm stuck. I want a gun. Its the best method and most reliable. I can get a shoty. No handgun. Or F.
Not sure. Just hating living hating my horrible luck in life everyday and want to die so bad. Always alone.
Americans are so lucky. The can buy guns for a hundred dollars at walmart.
 
V

Vegrau

Arcanist
Nov 27, 2018
574
1,437
"though" = "thought"?

Why ?
Oh give it a rest. I juggle between 4 different languages most of the time. So its very normal for me to make a simple typo. Can you even understand that? Hahaha doubt it. Get it now? You pitiful little thing.

Is it because of last time you acted like an idiot and I called you out? Its not healthy to hold grudges like that you know. Think of your own mental health little thing.
 
Last edited:
R

Roger

Master
May 11, 2019
410
673
UK
I genuinely asked if you meant "thought" in order to clarify the meaning of your post.

And I ask why you say that you never thought you would say "Hello again".

Simple as that - I have no grudge against you, nor anybody else, and do not wish to offend you. But it's best left there, I think. Least said, soonest mended.
 
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