Anyone partially driven here by relationship issues?

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RileyTanaka

RileyTanaka

ill / failure
Mar 20, 2020
240
650
My wife and I are headed towards a divorce in the near future, after this COVID-19 pandemonium subsides. We both can't stand each other's guts and I'll be out on the street soon. After 3 years of careful consideration, I know it's time for me to end my life. I didn't think the last domino would be a stupid relationship issue or a breakup but here we are. The reasons for why people kill themselves are usually complex and multifaceted... A lot of outsiders don't quite understand that. Can anyone else relate? I'm sure a lot of us end up here for a multitude of reasons, but I do wonder who else is just done with relationships and other people. I have failed at just about everything in my life, and I know it won't get better.
 
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rankinchris

Member
Mar 24, 2020
91
207
YES !! 7 weeks ago the mother of my daughter left me, she wont talk to me and I have not seen my daughter for the full 7 weeks, it has driven me to here and has driven me to buy rope to carry out partial hanging of myself in the very near future.
 
Darkdreamer001

Darkdreamer001

Veteran
Jul 17, 2018
148
154
I would say be strong and try to work things out, but I fell that you've been strong enough already and you've tried to work things out with your wife. I'm curious as to how you came to this conclusion to end your life? I can kinda relate because when you love someone and it doesn't work out it can cause depression. When you said you failed at everything...I don't believe that. You've gotten farther than most people. I didn't make to the alter and I went to college and still didn't get a good job. I feel like a failure, not just at relationship and career, but literally everything. People assume that I don't try or I don't care but people don't know me and they judge me harshly before I get a chance to prove myself. There's too many obstacles in my way and many others way in this world. It takes certain type of person to make it usually heartless people and I'm not like that. Some people are privileged and lucky. It seems like some of us are not made for this world and I'm one of them. I was born one of them. I knew I was different and I've been paying for it and I'm done paying. I've always wanted love...to be in love and share my life with that special someone but it never works out. I hope get through this quarantine without doing anything that could get you in trouble and I hope you stay safe.
 
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faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
3,116
4,932
My girlfriend probably was the person who was keeping my alive for a while.
But when I became ready with my decision to CTB, I broke up with her.
The breakup is not the reason why I became suicidal or more suicidal, but it was my CTB that was the reason of a breakup. Ofc she does not know that.
 
RileyTanaka

RileyTanaka

ill / failure
Mar 20, 2020
240
650
It seems like some of us are not made for this world and I'm one of them. I was born one of them. I knew I was different and I've been paying for it and I'm done paying. I've always wanted love...to be in love and share my life with that special someone but it never works out.
Thanks for commenting. I'm definitely not fit to be in this world. I was already not great in relationships but something happened a few years ago that changed me physically forever and now I'm even more terrible than before. It's hard to describe. But I definitely know the feeling of defectiveness. It doesn't matter what anyone says to me, I know it is not possible for me to be happy again, and being around others is just not fair to them.
My girlfriend probably was the person who was keeping my alive for a while.
But when I became ready with my decision to CTB, I broke up with her.
The breakup is not the reason why I became suicidal or more suicidal, but it was my CTB that was the reason of a breakup. Ofc she does not know that.
Honestly, cutting off from someone you know you will traumatize forever is definitely a compassionate, caring thing to do. Most people make suicide about themselves and blame themselves. Maybe she will be better more protected emotionally in some way now that you've established some distance, although I'm really sorry you want to be gone as well.
 
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Kumachan

Specialist
Mar 5, 2020
399
598
yes my sweet wife, my angel, the light of my life... I treated her like crap, cheated etc, made her cry... Now shes gone and I cant live with that... She was the best thing that happened to me in this shit life and I worked very hard to push her away.

Thats the main reason. But not the only reason. Oh no. Its a fucking shitstorm. Utter hopelessness. Regret.

So today i bought meto - no prescription asked, cheap like dirt>_<
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

...
Mar 15, 2020
411
880
Sorry to hear about your divorce. I am also divorced, but that was 5 years ago. Broken relationships/ shitty human nature is definately my number one reason I want to CTb,.....Cosely following would be feeling like a slave-my only purpose is to take care of old people and my other job working lifting heavy shit all day....my 5'3 slight frame is breaking down over the years of abuse in the workforce, my right knee is all f-d up....Taking care of the elderly has lead me to fear and loath the idea of getting old! I don't want to rot away in a care facility or end up forced on the streest...unfortunately, longevity runs in my genes....but i had grandparents die earlier due to smoking and drinking of which I do.....I was also a female in the military, so trusting the opposite gender after what I have seen, not gonna happen in this lifetime! Not that women are any better! ONe good thing being a female, I can't get anyone knocked up-because if I could, I might be one of those people that would do something drastic to get out of that ....I'm mostly agnostic, raised on religious fear, but I send little pleas to the universe not to send me back to earth (especially as a human) and not to send me somewhere worse....I am childfree by choice....I sometimes find myself cursing my parents for saddling me with this life, when they already were overwhelmed by my older siblings. so a third reason would just be seeing how flippant breaders are about sticking people with life. Life is very complicated.....So in order of importance: 1. failed relationships 2 .fear of getting old 3. tired of breeders and having to take care of their offspring
 
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Darkdreamer001

Darkdreamer001

Veteran
Jul 17, 2018
148
154
My girlfriend probably was the person who was keeping my alive for a while.
But when I became ready with my decision to CTB, I broke up with her.
The breakup is not the reason why I became suicidal or more suicidal, but it was my CTB that was the reason of a breakup. Ofc she does not know that.
Wait a minute...wtf, I don't understand. Your girlfriend is why your alive but your the one that broke things off. Why do you want suicide you had someone.
yes my sweet wife, my angel, the light of my life... I treated her like crap, cheated etc, made her cry... Now shes gone and I cant live with that... She was the best thing that happened to me in this shit life and I worked very hard to push her away.

Thats the main reason. But not the only reason. Oh no. Its a fucking shitstorm. Utter hopelessness. Regret.

So today i bought meto - no prescription asked, cheap like dirt>_<
If you loved her why did you push her away and then feel bad when she goes away? I'm confused. Is there any chance you can make it up to her even if it's just a little. From what she's been through she's probably in a lot of pain also. I hope you can get some kind of closure...you both need it!
She's the only thing I've got left as she waits patiently as I waste not only my life but hers
It sounds you both love each other...you go to make the best of it.
YES !! 7 weeks ago the mother of my daughter left me, she wont talk to me and I have not seen my daughter for the full 7 weeks, it has driven me to here and has driven me to buy rope to carry out partial hanging of myself in the very near future.
Last but not least think of your daughter. You said you haven't seen her for 7 weeks but that doesn't mean that you ever see her unless you commit suicide. Hang on longer and see how things go, it'll be tough but when you do heal and get to spend time with you daughter you'll feel better.
 
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Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,788
8,133
50
I was already going through depression and suicide issues, but the final nail to my coffin was inserted when the gf was killed.
 
SuicideBoys93

SuicideBoys93

The f**k I need life? Life is what needed me.
Feb 10, 2020
181
377
I wouldn't say it's the driving factor, more of a harsh deep nail through my coffin. We're headed towards divorce. I can't stand her mother, and she can't stand me either. They're basically best friends so I know it's a battle I'd never win if I got into a altercation with her. Not worth the drama. I'm constantly painted as the villain. I've endured unfaithfulness that I've been asked to basically sweep it under the rug. Seems to me that since I'm a guy that my feelings are just whatever when I'm truthfully dead inside. Numb to life, and anything it has to offer. The worst feeling was that in a matter of seconds the perception of my best friend was forever changed. This has been one thing I've been trying to figure out how to cope with. Given my current employment I just can't up and leave because I have to fulfil the contractual obligation I said I would fulfil. I'm forced to relive the same feelings I've been trying to run away from for months now. Just really don't know anymore.
 
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Darkdreamer001

Darkdreamer001

Veteran
Jul 17, 2018
148
154
@RileyTanaka I think it would be better for her to remember me as a traitor not a bf who committed a suicide...
I don't know how close you and your girlfriend was but do you think this could cause her to want to die also, if so, would you give her closure so she doesn't feel guilty and blame herself for everything?
 
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foreverbroken28

foreverbroken28

I've gone off the deep end.
Jul 11, 2019
125
402
Yes. It's what drove me here to begin with and what my username stands for. I lost the love of my life. The deeper explanation is that my BPD is unbearable.

I'm a biological defect and should be exterminated. I have reason to believe he would feel relieved with me dead & I understand why.
 
faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
3,116
4,932
I don't know how close you and your girlfriend was but do you think this could cause her to want to die also, if so, would you give her closure so she doesn't feel guilty and blame herself for everything?
We do not even talk to each other, she preferred to breakup not to remain friends. She has BPD and suicidal thoughts sometimes, used to self-harm before so my CTB would be able to trigger her symptoms.
 
R

Rosieroo17

Member
Feb 20, 2020
20
65
Yes I am in an abusive relationship. He has slowly made me hate myself and I've lost who I am. I am ashamed that I cannot stand up to him . He gets angry and calls me names. He controls the communication and shut off and stops talking to me for days. To give you an example , we went on holiday i was pregnant with my second and my 3 year old had been up all night. I was very tired and got emotional (being pregnant aswell ) he just got angry with me , we were sitting on the balcony and he said "I want to be honest with you , I think you're a d**k and you talk shit" that's just one example. I cannot be myself anymore.
My friends think he is wonderful and I feel so alone as no one sees what he does
I want to expose him I want him to feel ashamed and alone and disgusted at himself . He won't though. And I know suicide won't make him see or anyone feel bad for what they've done .
I hear the "why dont you just leave?" I would but I'm stuck financially. I know I won't be forever I'm trying to make a plan for the long term but in the meantime the pain of the enotional abuse is so much .of course the other issue is I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. I'm trying to hang on for them but it is hard. They will grow and see their mama treated this way and not able to stand up for herself and think it is normal
 
LivedAndNotLoved

LivedAndNotLoved

Leaving here, need to give life another shot!
Feb 28, 2020
39
220
My girlfriend probably was the person who was keeping my alive for a while.
But when I became ready with my decision to CTB, I broke up with her.
The breakup is not the reason why I became suicidal or more suicidal, but it was my CTB that was the reason of a breakup. Ofc she does not know that.
I just want to say that I completely understand why you broke up with your girlfriend. I broke up with my ex a few months ago, but as I was spiralling more and more out of control I finished him to in a way protect him from myself.
 
faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
3,116
4,932
I just want to say that I completely understand why you broke up with your girlfriend. I broke up with my ex a few months ago, but as I was spiralling more and more out of control I finished him to in a way protect him from myself.
I understand you too in this case. Because was often making my girlfriend cry. She believed that I made her life better, but her words were opposite to what I have seen myself... I hope your ex is okay right now. Because some find a breakup very depressing.
 
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MartyByrde

MartyByrde

Veteran
Mar 15, 2020
161
442
My wife and I are headed towards a divorce in the near future, after this COVID-19 pandemonium subsides. We both can't stand each other's guts and I'll be out on the street soon. After 3 years of careful consideration, I know it's time for me to end my life. I didn't think the last domino would be a stupid relationship issue or a breakup but here we are. The reasons for why people kill themselves are usually complex and multifaceted... A lot of outsiders don't quite understand that. Can anyone else relate? I'm sure a lot of us end up here for a multitude of reasons, but I do wonder who else is just done with relationships and other people. I have failed at just about everything in my life, and I know it won't get better.
Same here. Except she left me with an empty house to wallow in until it's foreclosed upon. The quiet alone nearly kills me. Damn I miss my kids.
YES !! 7 weeks ago the mother of my daughter left me, she wont talk to me and I have not seen my daughter for the full 7 weeks, it has driven me to here and has driven me to buy rope to carry out partial hanging of myself in the very near future.
Right there with you. My ex took all the girls and lately all contact has ceased. The girls and I don't deserve this.
 
R

rankinchris

Member
Mar 24, 2020
91
207
Same here. Except she left me with an empty house to wallow in until it's foreclosed upon. The quiet alone nearly kills me. Damn I miss my kids.

Right there with you. My ex took all the girls and lately all contact has ceased. The girls and I don't deserve this.
There is honestly no pain like it Marty, I feel guilty leaving my daughter behind. But she is young and wont remember me. These past 7 weeks has been killing me
 
MartyByrde

MartyByrde

Veteran
Mar 15, 2020
161
442
There is honestly no pain like it Marty, I feel guilty leaving my daughter behind. But she is young and wont remember me. These past 7 weeks has been killing me
My heart goes out to you. I don't understand why mothers think this is ok. We need our daughters as much as they need us. I really hope your daughter's mother comes to her senses.
 
Deathbydemo

Deathbydemo

Veteran
Feb 15, 2020
177
271
Initially yes I joined up to here because of something cruel an ex did that I didn’t think I could possibly recover from. In truth, once I let it all go and accepted it for what it is, I have come out the other side stronger and happier than I’ve been in years. And it didn’t take very long at all surprisingly!

I’m really sorry you are have found yourself here for similar reasons. My heart truly does go out to you because I was there, and it was a very dark time, so I completely understand. Is your life worth ending over a relationship though? I understand that it’s hard to see a life past that, without that person, but there will be someone else. When a friend told me that it was completely possible to live my life and be happy without my ex, I was so mad and couldn’t understand where she was coming from. But essentially it turned out she was right.

Hang in there. ❤
 
R

rebelsue

Hope Addict
Dec 12, 2019
170
625
Yeah I am basically awaiting the guillotine in my own home. If I don't get my emotional issues under control my 10 year marriage is over. My entire adult life ... I grew up with this person. I pushed him away. He had patience and compassion for me once, years ago, before I hurt him so badly. And I keep hurting people. Attempts to make friends ... i keep hurting people. I can't deal with groups of people. I used to get rejected a lot as a child because I was weird, and now I push away everyone. I did it again. I hurt some nice people in my therapy group. I was doing better with my husband but now if I lose my therapy group it will signal to my husband that I am not really improving. And then he will kick me out. I built this home with him. It is half mine. I am going to lose it all and it was my own fault for being awful. For a few weeks I actually thought maybe I wouldn't have to die. But I still have the rope. I still have the letter. There is still a way out for me, I hope. What a miserable planet.
 
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