Anyone else insecure about their appearance?

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a.c.

a.c.

:s
Aug 29, 2019
4
15
I'm trans and I absolutely hate the way that I look :( It definitely contributes heavily to my awful self-esteem. I feel like I've "done everything I can do" in terms of my appearance too, which makes things feel even bleaker in a way.

Can anyone else relate? I'm not sure how common obsessively hating one's appearance is around here.
 
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ForeverDefective

Member
Apr 23, 2019
14
21
Yes, trans and feel everyone can tell, others say I pass but I feel they are all lying or just dont know what to look for.
This and being geneticly defective is all I think about anymore.
 
BPD Barbie

BPD Barbie

I'm a BPD Barbie Girl living in a suicidal world
Dec 1, 2019
502
1,567
My appearance sort of is the only thing that means anything to me anymore. I maintain the same appearance I've always had partly to not raise suspicions to those around me, I hate getting bombarded with questions over how I feel, and also becuase despite how I feel mentally, I want to look in the mirror and see myself and not let my illness define who I am totally. So I always do my hair, I always put makeup on, skincare etc. It keeps me holding onto that little bit of humanity and normality as well, kills some time during the day, let's me be creative.
 
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Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
BDD started my suicidal thoughts. But then as I got older I realized my problems go far beyond just BDD.

I no longer feel the need to take thousands of pictures a day or sit in front of the mirror for hours. Neither do I stay inside for months.

Yet I am still here.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
1,398
4,116
Why does anyone have a sex change? The amount of trans people I see on here makes me think it isn't making anyone happy. That it's a symptom of something else just like body dismorphic disorder. I was diagnosed with that but have never been convinced. The things I don't like weren't imaginary but no one I saw was willing to operate. I didn't try very hard though and regret that every day. I don't know what's worse, living with how it is or finding someone that will do it now. The latter terrifies me. It's a lose lose situation. It would just mean it could have been done all along if I'd bothered to look. Smartphones came along a little too late as far as I'm concerned. A child could do it now and my self worth couldn't be lower. I relied on other people who thought it was all in my head and therefore completely wasted my time
 
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Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
Why does anyone have a sex change? The amount of trans people I see on here makes me think it isn't making anyone happy. That it's a symptom of something else just like body dismorphic disorder. I was diagnosed with that but have never been convinced. The things I don't like weren't imaginary but no one I saw was willing to operate. I didn't try very hard though and regret that every day. I don't know what's worse, living with how it is or finding someone that will do it now. The latter terrifies me. It's a lose lose situation. It would just mean it could have been done all along if I'd bothered to look. Smartphones came along a little too late as far as I'm concerned. A child could do it now and my self worth couldn't be lower. I relied on other people who thought it was all in my head and therefore completely wasted my time
Body dysmorphic disorder is very real, but often people will mix it up with other disorders like gender dysphoria or weight disorders.

One of the reason a lot of people don't want to operate is because statistics all around show that surgery doesn't fix the mental problems. Even when your flaws are real then with BDD your mind will still make them much bigger than they are.

Oh and btw the fact that it is just getting easier for people (incl. children) to get surgery is extremely concerning to me.
 
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crea_the_hopeless

crea_the_hopeless

Ugly queen
Feb 27, 2019
82
291
I severely hate my appearance. I’ve never been properly diagnosed but I’ve done a few screenings from mental health professionals that suggest I have BDD. I obsess heavily over my appearance. It’s disgusting to me and it gives me a lot of anxiety so much so that I can’t complete day to day tasks sometimes because I can’t stand the burden of being in public. I obsess over the body deformities that I have and I hate that I don’t look normal. I’m obese and a year or so ago a lost a good amount of weight to where my BMI wasn’t considered obese anymore, just a tad bit overweight. But even in my slender body, I obsessed over how fat I looked, how big my legs were, and how fat disappeared in places I didn’t need it too (like my breast, I was completely flat chested) but not as much in places I needed it to (like my stomach and legs.) I feel as though my face is atrocious, I have a jaw deformity that causes my entire face to be structured lopsided. It’s not noticeable to others but I see it in every picture and it depresses me to look so ugly. I could go on and on about how much I hate my body and the things it’s been through. But yeah, sorry for ranting.
 
Eren

Eren

Si hablas español mándame un MP
Oct 27, 2018
570
2,928
Yes, always really, but it is not my only reason for ctb, in addition, I am obese, and I have no motivation to change that, I have no motivation for nothing.
 
F

ForeverDefective

Member
Apr 23, 2019
14
21
Why does anyone have a sex change? The amount of trans people I see on here makes me think it isn't making anyone happy. That it's a symptom of something else just like body dismorphic disorder. I was diagnosed with that but have never been convinced. The things I don't like weren't imaginary but no one I saw was willing to operate. I didn't try very hard though and regret that every day. I don't know what's worse, living with how it is or finding someone that will do it now. The latter terrifies me. It's a lose lose situation. It would just mean it could have been done all along if I'd bothered to look. Smartphones came along a little too late as far as I'm concerned. A child could do it now and my self worth couldn't be lower. I relied on other people who thought it was all in my head and therefore completely wasted my time
Go on twitter or tumblr, you will find plenty that are delusionly happy and genuinely believe they are better then everyone else, mainstream LGBT culture is a cult and sex change is the ritual to solidify there place in the group.

I have always wanted to be female and saw a chance at maybe being able to so I tried as hard as I could to take it, I knew I would do anything to be female or at least not suffer from being male anymore(I really hope there is reincaration and I get the chance), even die, I even tried to die before I started any medical interference.

To this day I wish I had succeeded with that attempt, while I am still tethered here by a lifelong goal when it is done I will probably try again.
In the meantime I want to try MDMA and see if it shows me anything, but I doubt it will.

So to answer your question, we do it because its the only option we have before dying and that damn survival instinct is persistent.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
1,398
4,116
Yeah it's a way of killing off your old self without actually having to die
Body dysmorphic disorder is very real, but often people will mix it up with other disorders like gender dysphoria or weight disorders.

One of the reason a lot of people don't want to operate is because statistics all around show that surgery doesn't fix the mental problems. Even when your flaws are real then with BDD your mind will still make them much bigger than they are.

Oh and btw the fact that it is just getting easier for people (incl. children) to get surgery is extremely concerning to me.
I think I answered my own question
 
angele

angele

gay trans man (he/him)
Nov 20, 2019
80
374
Why does anyone have a sex change? The amount of trans people I see on here makes me think it isn't making anyone happy. That it's a symptom of something else just like body dismorphic disorder. I was diagnosed with that but have never been convinced. The things I don't like weren't imaginary but no one I saw was willing to operate. I didn't try very hard though and regret that every day. I don't know what's worse, living with how it is or finding someone that will do it now. The latter terrifies me. It's a lose lose situation. It would just mean it could have been done all along if I'd bothered to look. Smartphones came along a little too late as far as I'm concerned. A child could do it now and my self worth couldn't be lower. I relied on other people who thought it was all in my head and therefore completely wasted my time
you're mixing up causation and correlation... it's not like we want to be unhappy and crave to hate our bodies. it's just the way we've always felt. the rate of depression in trans folk is super high because of the way society treats us, not because we "chose to be trans"... people have this weird misconception that we chose this life... in reality we just slowly realize over time we were born in the wrong body.
also, gender-related surgeries save lives.... i know countless people who have gotten them and feel like they finally have a chance at a normal life.... it's not just a normal cosmetic surgery, it literally means the world to them
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
1,398
4,116
It would have me too but they wouldn't do it. I imagine if I'd asked for a sex change I also would have been sent to a therapist. Must just be something about me. I understand the way society treats you has a lot to do with it. I'm not judging for any negative reason. It's always with peoples best interest at heart but what I've got to say might not always be appreciated. From a science perspective is anyone really born in the wrong body?
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
1,218
2,530
Yes, but not my face so much. Body issue. I had breast cancer and massive surgeries, and severely botched reconstruction. And then I tried to get it fixed and was promised better results, but the second time was even worse. It extends beyond looks. I've lost most feeling due to severe nerve damage and loss. There's no fixing that. And the scars are hideous.

It's hard or impossible to let people see my body this way. Since it happened, only one non-doctor has. I just can't do it. And that person ultimately rejected me, which reinforced the trauma. I have a sex life but it comes with conditions, like I will never be topless. That's no fun.

I can keep having surgeries, but I'm terrified it'll just keep getting worse, and I don't think I can survive the crushing disappointment. I don't know what to do.
 
SadNoodlez

SadNoodlez

Member
Dec 6, 2019
11
14
Some days I like how I look. Usually if I have makeup on or have done my hair. But some days I make sure to avoid the mirrors because I don't want to look at myself. In my dance lessons I've stopped looking in the mirrors as I had my body even more from the head down. Eek :/
 
S

Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
It would have me too but they wouldn't do it. I imagine if I'd asked for a sex change I also would have been sent to a therapist. Must just be something about me. I understand the way society treats you has a lot to do with it. I'm not judging for any negative reason. It's always with peoples best interest at heart but what I've got to say might not always be appreciated. From a science perspective is anyone really born in the wrong body?
No. Without trying to offend people here..it's a disorder that got normalized.
 
P

PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
14
53
No. Without trying to offend people here..it's a disorder that got normalized.
I am not trans, but I am gay, and I very much support my trans brothers and sisters.

There is a great quote from Thoreau - "Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes?"

It is easy to judge people you don't know, and especially if you haven't lived their experience, because they are the Other, and many overlook the humanity in their being.

When I was a teen, my conservative religious mom showed me a video of gay men saying that they had decided to become straight, because the "gay lifestyle was so destructive, and so lonely". Even though I knew I was attracted to other guys as a child, I believed the video and thought gay people were terrible.

As time has gone on, I came to realize that the depression many LGBT people have stems from them being treated quite poorly during childhood and their teenage years for being different. My parents made me go to conversion therapy when I was 18, and I basically learned from a Christian psychiatrist that I was a bad person, my mom paid lots of money, and no change occurred, except to strengthen my self loathing and depression, all in the name of conforming to straight society and being a good Christian.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from having been born gay is how much empathy and compassion I have for people who are different or treated as less than.

I wish you and Mr2005 could see the world through my eyes.
I'm trans and I absolutely hate the way that I look :( It definitely contributes heavily to my awful self-esteem. I feel like I've "done everything I can do" in terms of my appearance too, which makes things feel even bleaker in a way.

Can anyone else relate? I'm not sure how common obsessively hating one's appearance is around here.
I am somewhere on the spectrum of BDD, not to an extreme, because I can leave my house and such, but I struggle very much with how I look, and it consumes many of my thoughts throughout the day. I can only sympathize with you. Sending you love! <3
 
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Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
I am not trans, but I am gay, and I very much support my trans brothers and sisters.

There is a great quote from Thoreau - "Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes?"

It is easy to judge people you don't know, and especially if you haven't lived their experience, because they are the Other, and many overlook the humanity in their being.

When I was a teen, my conservative religious mom showed me a video of gay men saying that they had decided to become straight, because the "gay lifestyle was so destructive, and so lonely". Even though I knew I was attracted to other guys as a child, I believed the video and thought gay people were terrible.

As time has gone on, I came to realize that the depression many LGBT people have stems from them being treated quite poorly during childhood and their teenage years for being different. My parents made me go to conversion therapy when I was 18, and I basically learned from a Christian psychiatrist that I was a bad person, my mom paid lots of money, and no change occurred, except to strengthen my self loathing and depression, all in the name of conforming to straight society and being a good Christian.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from having been born gay is how much empathy and compassion I have for people who are different or treated as less than.

I wish you and Mr2005 could see the world through my eyes.


I am somewhere on the spectrum of BDD, not to an extreme, because I can leave my house and such, but I struggle very much with how I look, and it consumes many of my thoughts throughout the day. I can only sympathize with you. Sending you love! <3
I recognize their struggles exist. Neither am I implying that they are any less human than me. Those are some wrong assumptions.
 
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ForNow

Member
Dec 6, 2019
10
11
i'm not trans, but i identify as nonbinary.

that being said -- experiencing myself as nonbinary in a cis-female body is very uncomfortable for me, due to all sorts of uncomfortable experiences.

being a cis-female and very much aware of that when i am out in public or bombarded with the assigned expectations of others -- i have felt too uncomfortable to go to a gym to exercise, to go to a pool (which is the most recommended exercise for chronic pain for me), to attend events or socializing of any kind, and often, i dislike walking or going places because i am self-conscious -- about my weight, about my appearance, because i am physically a woman and very much aware of that around other people. part of the problem is that i do not fit socially expected roles for women, or stereotypes, or social etiquette. i fit the physical role only and there it ends.

when i am alone -- i am just me -- no gender, no identity, no labels, only my mind (and annoying physical ailments, but oh well) -- and i am free.
 
Moonicide

Moonicide

ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ
Nov 19, 2019
815
2,593
Yes, absolutely. Which is why I always have makeup on and dress up when I go out. When I'm at home I'm a huge mess and stay like that until I have to venture out into the real world again... When I stayed at my friends place for a bit I wanted to not exist, because I had to spend every morning getting dressed up and putting makeup on in order to be somewhat okay with myself, which is so exhausting. It takes so much out of me to pretend to be functional. Like, no one expects this of me. But I expect it of myself due to my insecurities.
 
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PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
14
53
I recognize their struggles exist. Neither am I implying that they are any less human than me. Those are some wrong assumptions.
When you say "Its a disorder that's gotten normalized", that implies that LGBT people are not normal.

You of course are welcome to believe that, and have that freedom. At the same time, I feel the need to say that we have always been here since there have been people. There is an evolutionary reason for LGBT people- when a tribe of people started to grow too much, people who wouldn't reproduce were evolutionarily selected for, because they helped take care of younger siblings while not having children of their own.

So yes, I feel the need to share knowledge when I see it lacking.
 
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Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
When you say "Its a disorder that's gotten normalized", that implies that LGBT people are not normal.

You of course are welcome to believe that, and have that freedom. At the same time, I feel the need to say that we have always been here since there have been people. There is an evolutionary reason for LGBT people- when a tribe of people started to grow too much, people who wouldn't reproduce were evolutionarily selected for, because they helped take care of younger siblings while not having children of their own.

So yes, I feel the need to share knowledge when I see it lacking.
I don't think it's very normal, no. That is not me saying they are less human as a person. That is me saying they are a human with a disorder.

I don't know about you, but I don't really think of disorders as normal. I would even say they are exact opposites.

But I am always open to a civil discussion about why you think my views are flawed and why being trans is something biological that we should acknowledge.

You also can't compare it to being gay, bi or lesbian. I don't look at them as disorders. They are just a sexual preferences.
 
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ForNow

Member
Dec 6, 2019
10
11
sexuality is a spectrum. sexual orientation is a spectrum. how is being sexually attracted to men, women, both, or in-between, or sapiosexual, or nonbinary -- a disorder, or not normal? by whose standards? sexual attraction can be quite fluid and may change frequently. is that also a disorder?

genuine questions, trying to understand -- not trying to cause trouble.
 
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Santiago

Wizard
Mar 25, 2018
601
1,454
sexuality is a spectrum. sexual orientation is a spectrum. how is being sexually attracted to men, women, both, or in-between, or sapiosexual, or nonbinary -- a disorder, or not normal? by whose standards? sexual attraction can be quite fluid and may change frequently. is that also a disorder?

genuine questions, trying to understand -- not trying to cause trouble.
Are you asking me (since I guess I have been the most controversial)? I don't think sexuality is a disorder.
 
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PlathWannaBe

Member
Nov 15, 2019
14
53
I don't think it's very normal, no. That is not me saying they are less human as a person. That is me saying they are a human with a disorder.

I don't know about you, but I don't really think of disorders as normal. I would even say they are exact opposites.

But I am always open to a civil discussion about why you think my views are flawed and why being trans is something biological that we should acknowledge.

You also can't compare it to being gay, bi or lesbian. I don't look at them as disorders. They are just a sexual preferences.
Sometimes people are just born differently, no matter if they are trans or lesbian or whatever. If you speak with a trans person, they will usually tell you they have felt that way since they were a young child.

The more I think about it, I think this- it doesn't matter what you or I think, as long as people are being kind and respectful to one another. I just wanted to share my opinion that trans is just as normal as any other identity. If you disagree, that is what makes the world go round, and that is ok.