[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they were destined to die by ctb?

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Debro

Debro

Veteran
Dec 19, 2019
168
352
People who die from a "natural death" could have died sooner. A high majority of them get surgical intervention in life, for example Appendicitis. Most of the pro-lifers don't understand, that we always play with life & death. Dr. Kevorkian pointed that perfectly out. So when you try to keep me alife, with all the tools provisioned, you should give me the tools for cbting as well.

TLDR: i agree with thread maker.
 
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thrw_a_way1221221

thrw_a_way1221221

Angel of Choice - time is getting closer...
Aug 30, 2018
3,799
12,509
I do feel this way at times, I felt that I just didn't really fit in this world and that everything in general just sucks, with a few fleeting, good times. However, those good times are simply just not enough to last a lifetime, but are rather transient and they come and go. It is a matter of time before I tire of suffering in this world, in which then I would go and CTB (along with other factors and circumstances that line up).
 
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Angelus Errare

Angelus Errare

Where angels lose their way
Dec 3, 2019
247
808
Either that or life in hell.
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

CTB is the best painkiller
Nov 7, 2019
978
2,094
I started having suicidal thoughts 2 years ago. But not so often. Last year they became stronger after trying all options to improve my health but failed. And now I have them daily. There's no single day I don't feel suicidal.
 
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Flippy

Flippy

Listening to the Air Conditioner Hum
Jan 5, 2020
412
675
The earliest memory I have of myself wanting to kill myself was around 2-3 years old. There were things going on that I was too young to deal with which I won't bother people with here. I guess it triggered some primal instinct in me even so young that just followed me through my life such as it is. The bad stuff followed me too for a long time. I've always as far as I remember had the feeling I would die by my own hand one way or another. I've tried in the past but lacking the knowledge I would have needed at the time I only ended up making myself sick or things worse. I think that brought me to the realisation suicide has to be a well thought out and logical process, rather than a desperate escape from the things that motivate me to ctb.
 
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porfin1234

porfin1234

Specialist
Dec 26, 2019
366
853
I first had suicidal thoughts when I was 14. Thoughts went away during college until graduate school. Downhill from there. Had a couple of years where it was ok. Last year was super super high but still had thoughts even when happy from extreme emotional roller coaster and just wanting it to stop. Even when I didn’t hate myself, I had the thoughts. Oh well.
Mom attempted many times.
 
passenger27

passenger27

In my beginning is my end.
Aug 25, 2019
645
648
I've felt destined to CTB for as long as I remember. I didn't ask to be thrown in this world so if I want to bail that's my choice. Most people are so against suicide. Why? So you can die of cancer or a car wreck? Everybody's number is coming up. Nothing's going to change that. I watched my mom die a painful death and I swore then I'm dying on my own terms. But I've always felt that way. I really get a sense of freedom from knowing I can die when and how I want. It's like Janis Joplin sang: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." True, so true.
 
S

SugarbushMtn

Member
Dec 15, 2019
75
67
Since I killed someone accidentally when I was age 18 I knew this was a distinct possibility. Just gets closer and closer. Not destiny tho, just circumstances.
 
OneBigBlur

OneBigBlur

Wise
Nov 30, 2019
228
750
I knew 20 years ago because of the amount of problems I already had that were persistent throughout life. It was always a matter of when, not a matter of if. I wish there was a method like SN 10 years ago, I could've saved myself so much pointless suffering.
 
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M

mesohappy

Block head
Jan 10, 2020
330
556
I’ve always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I’ve always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don’t believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that’s just how you were meant to go. I don’t think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?
I didnt always have the idea to die by my own hand,developed it after seeing loved ones die horrendously,fighting for thier lives,even after doctors said,and family members knew, that the battle was unwinnable.I dont think I want to go out like that.Prayers dont matter,treatment doesnt matter.Im not gonna suffer for a life that I really dont give a shit about anyway.
 
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D

Daffodil

Veteran
Dec 23, 2019
130
222
When I was 16 I thought I wouldn't live to 21. When I hit my 20s I tried to turn my life around and better myself. I struggled through that for 10 years and now I'm back where I was then. Have wanted to go out like Marilyn Monroe for a long time, been jealous of her peaceful death and researched her for many years.
 
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ShadowChild

ShadowChild

Happiness is a warm gun
Jan 13, 2020
37
51
Iv had it in my head for a while to be honest. I’m not gonna see 30. That gives me less than a year.
 
Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,174
3,308
I’ve had depression for a freakin long time, first suicide attempt at 18 and was rescued. Was fine until I had a sociopathic partner and clueless dr that helped destroy my health. The first year after my near death experience I thought of suicide over one million times and I really mean one million times. I regret not killing myself right after I nearly died from medical malpractice, things don’t always get better
Peace/hugs
 
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Nogodallchaos

Nogodallchaos

Member
Oct 30, 2019
18
29
Kinda, everything in my life has gone badly and nothing ever worked out. I had bad bad luck with much stuff and I'm tired of life playing me tricks. That's also why I will CTB soon.
 
Flippy

Flippy

Listening to the Air Conditioner Hum
Jan 5, 2020
412
675
Since I killed someone accidentally when I was age 18 I knew this was a distinct possibility. Just gets closer and closer. Not destiny tho, just circumstances.
That sounds like a horrible pain to endure :-( I don't know quite what to say and certainly don't want to end up making you feel worse because I am so good at putting my foot in my mouth :-(
 
Flippy

Flippy

Listening to the Air Conditioner Hum
Jan 5, 2020
412
675
Yes definitely
And I agree with you
You agree with my ability to put my foot in my mouth? Or my entire statement? Or someone else? Don't worry I'm waaaay past having a bruised ego now :-)
 
I

Indieblue

Member
Feb 10, 2020
81
76
People who die from a "natural death" could have died sooner. A high majority of them get surgical intervention in life, for example Appendicitis. Most of the pro-lifers don't understand, that we always play with life & death. Dr. Kevorkian pointed that perfectly out. So when you try to keep me alife, with all the tools provisioned, you should give me the tools for cbting as well.

TLDR: i agree with thread maker.
I feel exactly like this way. That if it weren't for the modern day surgical intervention i could have long gone from this world. I wish i just withheld it instead.
 
Xena87

Xena87

Queen of the night
Dec 9, 2019
105
131
Yes I understand! I have always felt this way about myself. You're not alone! Idkw we have this void in us....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home
 
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Anon2662

Anon2662

Just a girl trapped in a psychological prison
Feb 13, 2020
127
173
100%. Ive known for many years that it will be the way I die. Had a few failed attempts but now determined and trying to find the most peaceful method not just for myself, but to help ease the pain for my mum and sister.. knowing it wasn’t violent or I didn’t suffer will hopefully help them when I’ve escaped this world.
....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home
Wow imagine if that were true and then we all found out why we felt this way in this life! I kinda like that idea!
 
M

mesohappy

Block head
Jan 10, 2020
330
556
Yes I understand! I have always felt this way about myself. You're not alone! Idkw we have this void in us....maybe we're just aliens who wish to go home
I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"
 
LMLN

LMLN

Master
Aug 10, 2019
433
2,203
I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"
I know! I think about that too.
 
Xena87

Xena87

Queen of the night
Dec 9, 2019
105
131
I was thinking about something like this the other day.

Like what if after all the fighting to go on and agonizing over the decision,struggling with guilt,etc,I finally did it and as soon as I expire,I "wake up" surrounded by smiling loved ones and a loving creator and they all are saying things like "finally...What took you so long?We've been waiting for you to come back,why did you keep fighting it?"
This has brought tears to my eyes. This is so beautiful...we're the lucky ones! So many people are unaware of life beyond this planet. We are so important and so loved, this is why they're calling us back home. This is why we feel so alone and different in this world...we're aliens here.
 
BPDbitch

BPDbitch

Veteran
Nov 10, 2019
117
325
Not sure about destined, but at this point it seems inevitable.
 
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