[Discussion] Anyone else feel like they were destined to die by ctb?

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BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
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I’ve always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I’ve always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don’t believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that’s just how you were meant to go. I don’t think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
465
1,488
No, I don’t believe in destiny. I believe in sheer dumb luck or lack there of it.
I may have felt I was going to die by my own hand for a long time, but that’s because I was distraught as I am now, and in need of control, in need of a way out.
When I off myself, it will not be my time to die..but it has certainly never been my time to live either.
 
Kira

Kira

Same stuff, different day
Apr 27, 2018
107
281
Not necessarily destined, but I want to be the one to do it no matter what happens. I don't like the idea of anything or anyone else doing it for me. I want to go out on my own terms, when and how I wish.
 
Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Illuminated
Sep 14, 2019
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I don't know how to explain it but when I was in my early teens, I'd be sitting in the bathtub writing in my journal haha, but I'd be writing how j had this feeling that my life wasn't going to be normal when I got older. I didn't know what was going to happen to me and I would have never guessed complex regional pain syndrome but I knew I wasn't going to live a normal life or live to an old age. I'm 34 which I guess people consider still young but I died inside at 20 when this happened to me. But yes I had I guess what you can call a premonition.
 
Haku

Haku

Walking ThePathOfSorrow, destination Denebokshiri
Oct 12, 2019
272
683
I have only known for 5 years that I might take my own life, but I was hoping it wouldn't be true, I have wanted to be murdered instead, I felt like it would be easier, and I wouldn't be expecting it, but with taking my own life with my own hands, it scares the shit out of me, because I'm worried about failure, but I'm at a point where I dont really have a choice, so unless someone decides to mug and kill me before my ctb date, then I guess I will be the one to do it, and I will do it.
 
Sweet emotion

Sweet emotion

Illuminated
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I have only known for 5 years that I might take my own life, but I was hoping it wouldn't be true, I have wanted to be murdered instead, I felt like it would be easier, and I wouldn't be expecting it, but with taking my own life with my own hands, it scares the shit out of me, because I'm worried about failure, but I'm at a point where I dont really have a choice, so unless someone decides to mug and kill me before my ctb date, then I guess I will be the one to do it, and I will do it.
I always said if I had enough money I'd pay a hit man to put a few bullets in the back of my head when I'm not expecting it. Then shoot me in the heart for insurance. I'm terrified too. I don't want it to go wrong. I don't think I'd ever be able too recover from that. I actually feel like I want to puke just thinking about it.
 
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Haku

Haku

Walking ThePathOfSorrow, destination Denebokshiri
Oct 12, 2019
272
683
I always said if I had enough money I'd pay a hit man to put a few bullets in the back of my head when I'm not expecting it. Then shoot me in the heart for insurance. I'm terrified too. I don't want it to go wrong. I don't think I'd ever be able too recover from that. I actually feel like I want to puke just thinking about it.
Me too, this morning, right after Gorgon/Emily ctb, I almost prematurely ctb, had a razor in my hand, I slit my wrist, but just enough to break skin and draw some blood, but I was to scared to go any deeper, so I stopped, and vomited in the toilet, this sucks
 
Rachel74

Rachel74

-
Sep 7, 2019
1,733
2,597
Always thought it would be a heart attack because of my heart problems. Still ain’t happened.
 
trynacbt

trynacbt

-
Sep 28, 2019
478
1,252
I feel this way, too. I was so certain of it three years ago and despite many (half-assed) attempts, I (obviously) failed. So I pulled myself out of depression and kept trying only to find myself back here again now. This time, thanks to this site, I'll make it happen. The thought of it brings me a lot of calm, and I'm not sad about it. This is what I'll try to communicate in my letters, so that those I leave behind will understand how I see things, too.
 
Azzy69

Azzy69

Arcanist
Aug 8, 2019
564
1,229
I believe so, and I am determined not to make it to 30.
 
Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
3,220
6,663
I've always known I'd kill myself someday. If nothing else, the fact that my mother and grandmother both committed suicide means I'm statistically more likely than other people to off myself too. I think having a close family member commit suicide opens the possibility up - makes it a real, plausible, natural option to consider every time one has a problem.
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
2,185
4,880
I don't know how to explain it but when I was in my early teens, I'd be sitting in the bathtub writing in my journal haha, but I'd be writing how j had this feeling that my life wasn't going to be normal when I got older. I didn't know what was going to happen to me and I would have never guessed complex regional pain syndrome but I knew I wasn't going to live a normal life or live to an old age. I'm 34 which I guess people consider still young but I died inside at 20 when this happened to me. But yes I had I guess what you can call a premonition.
Thank you for responding. I’m so sorry to hear about your illness. I can completely relate to “dying inside”. :hug: :heart:
I've always known I'd kill myself someday. If nothing else, the fact that my mother and grandmother both committed suicide means I'm statistically more likely than other people to off myself too. I think having a close family member commit suicide opens the possibility up - makes it a real, plausible, natural option to consider every time one has a problem.
Wow, I’m sorry to hear you’ve suffered such tragic losses. Thank you for your response.
:hug::heart:
I feel this way, too. I was so certain of it three years ago and despite many (half-assed) attempts, I (obviously) failed. So I pulled myself out of depression and kept trying only to find myself back here again now. This time, thanks to this site, I'll make it happen. The thought of it brings me a lot of calm, and I'm not sad about it. This is what I'll try to communicate in my letters, so that those I leave behind will understand how I see things, too.
I agree with you. Each time you find yourself right back at the same spot where you’ve been over and over and you’ve tried so hard to get out of so many times, you start to feel like it’s just inevitable that this is what was supposed to happen. I’ve always felt like if I wasn’t supposed to ctb, then why didn’t any of the attempts I made to feel better work? Why didn’t any of the endless pills, or therapy, or the other different things I tried make me feel better? Absolutely nothing I’ve ever tried to make myself feel better has ever worked. Not even a tiny bit. When I was younger I could psych myself into sticking around a little longer by looking forward to a movie that I wanted to see that was coming out or some other event or something that I was looking forward to. At this point, I don’t have any of that left. I’m just tired of dealing with this and ready to go. And I also agree with you that finding the site is either an extremely lucky coincidence, or some kind of a sign that this time it’s going to be different because now I have more tools than I had before and I know more about what I’m doing. Hopefully that’s going to be all the difference I need to succeed.
Thanks for responding. :hug::heart:
 
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T

Time_To_Die

Member
Jun 28, 2019
28
109
Yeah, I think I was pretty much destined to ctb. Ever since I can remember life seemed burdensome to me. I have been very fortunate in life in terms of my economic circumstances, and my parents always made sure I was involved in activities when I was a child. I never had any passion for any of them; I participated only because it seemed to be the path of least resistance.

Same thing with every aspect of my life since. I've never bothered to get a girlfriend in my 26 years on this planet. Now that I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job I'm discovering that most people in my field have a passion for what they do. I'm afraid that there's really just not a position for someone like me in this society, certainly not a decent position.

To the OP: What's your story?
 
tomz323

tomz323

Walking to the bus stop
Mar 29, 2019
371
948
I keep thinking this, no matter what I do to try and recover I still end up seeing CTB. As it is the only real solution. I see it as a good thing, I look forward to it, strangely enough, I don't fear death.
 
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SinisterKid

SinisterKid

Moderator
Jun 1, 2019
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Well if you believe certain studies which suggest that 43% of suicides are down to genetics, then certainly some of us are "destined" to catch our buses whether we like it or not. Being as I am the 3rd member of my family to have attempted, then I can see how that argument could be more true than I care to admit.
 
trynacbt

trynacbt

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Sep 28, 2019
478
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Well if you believe certain studies which suggest that 43% of suicides are down to genetics, then certainly some of us are "destined" to catch our buses whether we like it or not. Being as I am the 3rd member of my family to have attempted, then I can see how that argument could be more true than I care to admit.
This is really comforting to me, for some reason. My mom ctb'd earlier this year. Thank you for sharing.
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
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Well if you believe certain studies which suggest that 43% of suicides are down to genetics, then certainly some of us are "destined" to catch our buses whether we like it or not. Being as I am the 3rd member of my family to have attempted, then I can see how that argument could be more true than I care to admit.
interesting statistic. I knew depression & other mental illnesses are genetic, but I never considered that suicide could be genetic too. Thanks for sharing.
 
R

Reyki6667

Veteran
Oct 11, 2019
168
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If they was a cure, or genetic therapy, those 43 percent would erased.... But yeah since 12 I already suspected how it would end....
 
Hasssssuùuu

Hasssssuùuu

Staff
Sep 18, 2018
868
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Iv seen like these flashes/visions or had these extremely strong feelings since i was a kid that i'd die through a type of car accident or health problems later in life. but imo, it'll be ctb before any of those things cause i wont be able to wait for death to come for me. gonna have to go towards death myself.

I feel like people definitely have set destinies in life, and some people are destined to suffer earlier and more than others. some arent destined for happiness; and some are destined to pass earlier in life than others sadly.
 
R

Reyki6667

Veteran
Oct 11, 2019
168
259
Iv seen like these flashes/visions or had these extremely strong feelings since i was a kid that i'd die through a type of car accident or health problems later in life. but imo, it'll be ctb before any of those things cause i wont be able to wait for death to come for me. gonna have to go towards death myself.

I feel like people definitely have set destinies in life, and some people are destined to suffer earlier and more than others. some arent destined for happiness; and some are destined to pass earlier in life than others sadly.
All and all depends on genetics which define your talents, affinity, metabolism, health, energy, resilience,appearance. Indeed some choose to and follow where their talent are truly lacking, but then the question ofsuccess is purely personal.
And for mental desease, we are all more of less fucked dépendant on how much your genetic décidé it's severity or it's incurability, and then everyone have there own resiliation towards death. But even a marathon must know ultimately an end.
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
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Yeah, I think I was pretty much destined to ctb. Ever since I can remember life seemed burdensome to me. I have been very fortunate in life in terms of my economic circumstances, and my parents always made sure I was involved in activities when I was a child. I never had any passion for any of them; I participated only because it seemed to be the path of least resistance.

Same thing with every aspect of my life since. I've never bothered to get a girlfriend in my 26 years on this planet. Now that I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job I'm discovering that most people in my field have a passion for what they do. I'm afraid that there's really just not a position for someone like me in this society, certainly not a decent position.

To the OP: What's your story?
Well, I feel like I've been depressed my whole life. My mom died of breast cancer when I was only 3. My first mem
Yeah, I think I was pretty much destined to ctb. Ever since I can remember life seemed burdensome to me. I have been very fortunate in life in terms of my economic circumstances, and my parents always made sure I was involved in activities when I was a child. I never had any passion for any of them; I participated only because it seemed to be the path of least resistance.

Same thing with every aspect of my life since. I've never bothered to get a girlfriend in my 26 years on this planet. Now that I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job I'm discovering that most people in my field have a passion for what they do. I'm afraid that there's really just not a position for someone like me in this society, certainly not a decent position.

To the OP: What's your story?
Well, I feel like I’ve been depressed my whole life. My mom died of breast cancer when I was only 3. My first memory is of being at my mom’s funeral. I wanted her to get up and play with me and someone told me she was asleep. The next thing I remember is them lowering her into the ground. I remember having 2 thoughts at the time:
1) I was worried that she was going to be cold and lonely by herself and with no blankets.
2) I was terrified that if I went to sleep I was going to be buried alive.

I became terrified of being buried alive and I used to have nightmares all the time about it. I still have them from time to time even though I’m 50 years old now. I am also extremely claustrophobic. I absolutely hate closed in spaces like elevators, etc. However, at the same time it also seemed to spark a fascination with death in me. I knew that wherever my mom was, it was some other dimension she had been sent to because she was dead. I’ve spent my entire life missing my mother and just wanting to be with her.
Of course, since she is dead, the only way I can be with her is to be dead too.
When I was 12 years old, I started having a severe nervous breakdown due to the fact that my sister Glenda (not her real name) was dying of breast cancer just like my mom did 10 years earlier and she was the only other person in my family that treated me even halfway decently other than my mom. By the age of 13, I was hearing voices that were telling me if I would just commit suicide, I would find my mom waiting for me and my sister Glenda would be coming soon because we knew she would die in a matter of months. I always thought that both I and my family would’ve been much better off if I had just died and gone to be with my mom and my sister.
Along with that, I was born prematurely and I spent the first 2 1/2 months of my life in an incubator with tubes and wires going in and out of me all over the place. The doctors pretty much gave up on me and told my family to go home and forget about me because I was most certainly going to die. Most of my family listened to the doctors.
My mom and Glenda were the only two family members who stayed behind. My mom was very religious and she spent every minute praying over me and basically willing me to live. I don’t think she was getting a whole lot of help from the doctors as they had pretty much given up on me. During this time, my mom had cancer as she had been diagnosed while she was pregnant with me. Due to being pregnant with me, she couldn’t get treatment for her cancer and then she refused to get it right after I was born because she wanted to stay with me while I was sick. Even after I got well enough to come home, she still refused to get treatment for her cancer stating that she wanted to spend time taking care of me and she didn’t want to be sick or have her hair falling out and so forth. Therefore, the entire time that she knew she had cancer, she continued to use me as her excuse or reason for why she wasn’t getting treatment depending on your point of you. When she finally did get treatment, it was way too late. She went through chemo and radiation, but it was too late and the cancer started spreading and the doctors told her it would only be a matter of time before she died. We had one horrible Christmas where everyone knew it was going to be her last one. I still have the pictures and when I look at them, everyone is trying to look happy, but everybody knows this is the last Christmas that my mom will be there. Then my mom died on my dad‘s 44th birthday, which sent my dad into a downward spiral. My dad hadn’t treated my mom very well for most of the time that they were together and I think he always thought he would be able to make it up to her later. And then his time just ran out. My dad considered my mom dying on his birthday as an affront from God. He basically dove into the bottom of a whiskey bottle and didn’t come out. I had a front row seat to watch him slowly commit suicide by drinking and smoking himself to death. 10 years after my mom died, my sister Glenda pretty much took the exact same path that she did- Being diagnosed with cancer, refusing treatment for an extended period of time, finally relenting and getting treatment, but it being too late for the treatment to really work, and then she ended up spending one last horrible Christmas with us before she died. However, I think the type of cancer that runs in my family is a very aggressive type and even with timely treatment, neither my mom or my sister would’ve lived very long. I had always assumed, or maybe even hoped, that I would eventually get the same cancer and die. Unfortunately, I was tested and I don’t have the genes for that cancer. At least none of the genes that they know are connected to that type of cancer at this point in time.
Another sister, Kay, who was 12 when my mom died and was very close to her, used to tell me it was my fault that our mom died. She used to accuse me of killing her and tell me that if I had just died like I was supposed to, our mom probably would’ve lived longer. She started telling me this when I was about six years old and even though I know it isn’t true logically, there is still a part of me that believes I killed my mother.
Also, my mother’s death was the beginning of a long downward spiral for my family. Therefore, since I feel responsible for my mother’s death, I also feel responsible for everything else that happened in response to it. My family basically went to hell when my mom died, and then became even worse after my sister Glenda died. Again, even though I know it’s logically not true, emotionally I can’t get over the feeling that it’s all my fault. If I had just died shortly after I was born like I was supposed to, maybe none of it would’ve happened. I’ve always felt like the depression and the way I’ve felt for most of my life is my punishment for living when I actually was supposed to have died.
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

Angelic
Oct 6, 2019
2,185
4,880
Yeah, I think I was pretty much destined to ctb. Ever since I can remember life seemed burdensome to me. I have been very fortunate in life in terms of my economic circumstances, and my parents always made sure I was involved in activities when I was a child. I never had any passion for any of them; I participated only because it seemed to be the path of least resistance.

Same thing with every aspect of my life since. I've never bothered to get a girlfriend in my 26 years on this planet. Now that I'm unemployed and struggling to find a job I'm discovering that most people in my field have a passion for what they do. I'm afraid that there's really just not a position for someone like me in this society, certainly not a decent position.

To the OP: What's your story?
I’m so sorry I never responded to you. I hadn’t seen this post until today.
I can relate to your comment about life always seeming like it was burdensome. I certainly feel the same way.
My story is very long and complicated, but I can try to sum it up as best as I can.
I have many reasons for wanting to ctb.
Early in my life, I lost my mother and my sister (who was like my second mother) both to breast cancer. It’s a long complicated story which you can find if you search through other posts that I’ve made, but basically the circumstances under which my mother died caused my family to blame me for her death. Since her death set off a series of tragedies in my family, everything that happened after her death was also blamed on me. I became the family scapegoat and the family doormat. My family could twist any incident around so that it came out at the end as being my fault, even if I had nothing to do with it, or in a couple of cases was not even alive when a couple of things that they blamed me for happened!
i’m sure if they had wanted to, my family could’ve figured out a way to blame me for the assassination of Abraham Lincoln or the
rise of Adolf Hitler, even though I was not alive for either of those events.
My brother and my father once got into an argument and didn’t speak to each other for five long years. The only way they could make up with each other was by mutually agreeing that the argument had been all my fault to begin with.
Then I was given a wonderful gift when I met my husband. He was a wonderful man and we had a wonderful life together for 26 years. I feel incredibly fortunate that I had him & the good times that we had together in my life. I tried hard to never take him for granted.
However, I knew the day I allowed him into my heart that he would be taken away from me. I seem to be cursed to watch every person I love suffer and die. At the same time, every disease I get is horrible and debilitating, but not fatal. And also not a disease that is taken seriously by doctors. The two main diseases I have, depression and hypothyroidism, are both seen by the medical community as easily treated. However, in my case neither of them has been easily treated despite multiple attempts over decades to get well and treat both diseases. I’ve been dealing with depression for probably most of my life and I’ve been seeking treatment for it off & on for 36 years. Yet all the doctors offer me is yet one more antidepressant and more therapy. At this point, if antidepressants and therapy worked, I would’ve been fixed a long long time ago. I’ve been dealing with hypothyroidism for 23 years. For the first 13 years I was on the wrong medication and the doctors refused to change my medicine, so I continued to get sicker and sicker and sicker. Despite this I had doctors who told me I was “cured”. And even though all my symptoms just happened to be symptoms of hypothyroidism, that was not the problem. In fact, I was told the problem was either all in my head or was my own fault. About 10 years ago I got so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed. I was sleeping up to 22 hours a day. I was incredibly dizzy and couldn’t walk through the house without holding onto things. I fainted at the drop of a hat. I had severe brain fog. I couldn’t concentrate or focus on anything or follow a TV program that I had seen hundreds of times and knew all the dialogue to.
Still the doctors told me it was all in my head and I was ridiculed and lectured by Drs and labeled a hypochondriac. Just when I had given up all hope and figured I would just fall into a coma one day and not wake up, which is what happens if you let hypothyroidism go untreated for long enough, I finally met a doctor that was willing to switch me to a different medication. However, even this doctor refused to give me enough of the medication. So now I was finally on a medication that helped me, and in the beginning I did have some improvement, but I was never completely well or even anywhere near well. I still had the exhaustion, dizziness, low body temperature, low blood pressure, fainting, and severe brain fog, among other symptoms. But it did allow me to be able to get out of bed and function to some minimal amount. I continued to ask for raises in my medication and this doctor refused, so I had to continue on functioning at a minimal rate. Then my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and I had to put all of my own problems on the back burner and focus on him. I continued to struggle with my own issues while I was taking care of him and focusing on his health for five long years. Eventually, on October 15th of 2017, my husband passed away and my life came to an end. The problem is that my body just wasn’t aware of it yet. I spent most of last year dealing with the horrible aftermath of my husband‘s death, as well as trying to move away from where I lived with him because it was just unbearable. I finally managed to move across the country to where I live now a little over a year ago. After I arrived here, I almost immediately collapsed and both my mental and physical health began taking a nosedive. It was my intent to not bother seeing a doctor because I knew they wouldn’t do anything to help me.
However, my sister-in-law bothered me for an entire year to go see a doctor, so about three months ago in August, I relented and went to a doctor. I did it mainly to get her off my back because I already knew what was going to happen. Sure enough, I was correct. For the depression, I was given yet another antidepressant and told for the nine millionth time to go into therapy. For the thyroid problem, I was given a raise in my medicine, though not enough of a raise. Therefore, I’m still feeling exactly the same way I did before I went to the doctor.
At this point, I feel like I’ve done everything I possibly could to fix my issues. I feel very confident that the only answer to my problems is to ctb. I was originally planning on doing it tonight. However, last week once I had everything in place, I began having second thoughts about doing it now right before the holidays. There aren’t many people left who will be upset about my death, as far as I know. But the few who will be upset, I have decided to spare them the pain of dealing with my death before the holidays. I’ve decided to wait until January. I also think January may be a better time to do it anyway because the area I live in is more likely to be having bad weather in January. Therefore, in the unlikely event that someone where to find me, it would be much more difficult for them to get me to a hospital in time. If I’m lucky the roads will be icy or there will be a huge snowstorm happening. We had a storm last year that trapped me in my house for an entire month. Unfortunately, then I didn’t know about my method (SN) or this website.
I live alone and most likely won’t be found, but it’s probably still a good idea to take precautions to try to prevent being found as long as I need to complete ctb.
Anyway, thank you for your question. This is a pretty long post. So, what’s your story?
 
woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
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I suppose if you put my brain in this body, born into my circumstances, give me a taste of life pretty late in life, take it away immediately, humiliatingly, in a surreally evil way, then yeah it looks like if there be gods, they fated me to die by my hand.
 
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MeltingHeart

MeltingHeart

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Sep 10, 2019
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3,734
Nope not at all- I had a v.fleeting thought at around age 13, once at about 26 due to a medication change (and other drugs tbh) & then didnt think of it again for another 10 years. Hated that series 13 reasons why, prob because I am not a teenager- but I could certainly write a list if all the people that have let me down and broken me- I dont want to blame others or 'bitch' in that way- but its just the truth-if I had been treated a tiny bit better by certain people, had the strength to stand up to other people and avoided a couple of people all toghether- I think I would be an ok,happy human being.
 
BleedingHeart

BleedingHeart

Veteran
Nov 5, 2019
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I’ve always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I’ve always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don’t believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that’s just how you were meant to go. I don’t think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?
Maybe not destined but I have had feelings before that I wouldn’t live to old age; even though I’ve imagined scenarios where I’d be old and not alone at the end (when things were happy)- my feelings in the past and now is that I will die alone and by suicide. Sending you lots of comfort; in so sorry you are suffering. Your story is heart wrenching and I wish I could give you a hug.
 
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CarbonMonoxide

CarbonMonoxide

Member
Oct 13, 2019
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44
I’ve always had this idea in my head that I was destined to die by my own hand. I’ve always felt like when it is my time to die, it will be by ctb.
Also, I know a lot of people believe that if you ctb, you are going at a time when you were not meant to go. I don’t believe that.
I think when it comes your time to go, if you go by ctb, then that’s just how you were meant to go. I don’t think everyone in this world was meant to have a natural death. Some people are destined to ctb.

Any thoughts?
Hi. Thanks for raising this topic. I like your point of view but I'm afraid I just can't agree with it. In my view, there's no such thing as a natural death. There's nothing natural about death.

A few tweaks to the telomeres in our DNA would enable your body to renew itself indefinitely. We have a new body every 7-10 years but it just goes bust at some point as aging begins.

I feel as though some cosmic fuck up happened causing death and misery to creep into the world. Death is almost like a relief from all the unnecessary suffering we experience in life. I think you're right that everyone is meant to die. We who ctb just choose to take the pain killer faster.

But I also cant help but think that death was intentionally added as a flaw in our bodies to alleviate our pain. If life wasn't full of all this shit, who knows?

Maybe we're meant to die, but we're not supposed to. Does that make any sense?
 
BlueWidow

BlueWidow

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Oct 6, 2019
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Hi. Thanks for raising this topic. I like your point of view but I'm afraid I just can't agree with it. In my view, there's no such thing as a natural death. There's nothing natural about death.

A few tweaks to the telomeres in our DNA would enable your body to renew itself indefinitely. We have a new body every 7-10 years but it just goes bust at some point as aging begins.

I feel as though some cosmic fuck up happened causing death and misery to creep into the world. Death is almost like a relief from all the unnecessary suffering we experience in life. I think you're right that everyone is meant to die. We who ctb just choose to take the pain killer faster.

But I also cant help but think that death was intentionally added as a flaw in our bodies to alleviate our pain. If life wasn't full of all this shit, who knows?

Maybe we're meant to die, but we're not supposed to. Does that make any sense?
Yes that does make sense to me. I’ve read some about telomeres. My husband used to take some kind of a supplement that was supposed to keep then as long and healthy as possible. It didn’t help him because he ended up getting cancer.
Maybe someday in the future they’ll find a way to eliminate lots of reasons for physical death. I’m not sure what they’ll ever do about psychological or mental issues though. I feel like we’re way behind in that area. For the most part, we still seem to treat people who are mentally ill the same way we did 100 years ago. We may not be trying to extract the demons from their bodies, or drilling holes in their heads anymore, but we’re still locking them up against their will like criminals. Until we stop doing that and start treating them like the fragile human beings that they are, I don’t think suicide is ever going to be eliminated, even if they do find some way to eliminate all physical diseases and conditions. :heart:
 
CarbonMonoxide

CarbonMonoxide

Member
Oct 13, 2019
36
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Yes that does make sense to me. I’ve read some about telomeres. My husband used to take some kind of a supplement that was supposed to keep then as long and healthy as possible. It didn’t help him because he ended up getting cancer.
Maybe someday in the future they’ll find a way to eliminate lots of reasons for physical death. I’m not sure what they’ll ever do about psychological or mental issues though. I feel like we’re way behind in that area. For the most part, we still seem to treat people who are mentally ill the same way we did 100 years ago. We may not be trying to extract the demons from their bodies, or drilling holes in their heads anymore, but we’re still locking them up against their will like criminals. Until we stop doing that and start treating them like the fragile human beings that they are, I don’t think suicide is ever going to be eliminated, even if they do find some way to eliminate all physical diseases and conditions. :heart:
My heart goes out to you. Cancer is a terrible adversary and it has done great damage to you. This is the type of raw deal that life is. A beautiful planet in an awesome universe filled with the vilest things imaginable.

It's like waking up on an island paradise only to discover that it's full of monsters. No wonder we die, imagine living forever under these circumstances. I do however agree with you, in the future things will change and maybe death will be no more. I would sign on for that ride!

Regarding mental illness, in my country the facilities are horrid. Chaining, isolation even beatings. That's why I've been hiding my social anxiety disorder since I was 13. I'm hitting 35 now, having worn a mask of normalcy for all those years.

This is why I want to ctb. I'm sick and tired of seeing everyone as adversaries, feeling a need to protect myself from real or imagined enemies. I don't see the world the way it really is and that scares me. I'm tired of hiding behind a job, alcohol and endless meaningless relationships.

Sometimes I get the feeling that one day the future humans will have solved it all. Then they'll revive us out of curiosity, trying to understand an ancient world where millions took their own lives.
 
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Frank

Member
Aug 22, 2019
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I kinda feel torn about this since my first attempt was when is was 11 so kinda hard to see it going any other way right now. On the other hand I feel like a giant waste of potential but I can't even imagine what should've changed to make me use my potential.
 
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porfin1234

porfin1234

Specialist
Dec 26, 2019
366
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Most definitely. Although I keep hearing that if we do have souls, suicide is breaking the soul contract, etc which scares me for repercussions I may have if there really is such a thing.