Anybody else here with depression,bipolar disorder or autism/aspergers?

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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I used to think that I had depression only but now I think that I might have bipolar disorder too because I have suicidal thoughts in my mind 24/7. I used to take the same antidepressants for years for my depression but it left me with a terrible physical side effect so I had to stop taking them some days ago. When I took them I felt a mental relief even though it was not permanent. Now I can't even have it. I also believe that I have autism or aspergers because I have all the characteristics of someone who have it.I have poor social skills and intense compassion,empathy and connection with animals more than humans. All these conditions makes my mind a living hell. I can't have peace in my mind. I suffer emotionally every second.
 
tiredofsuffering

tiredofsuffering

Wise
Apr 4, 2020
230
448
Brasil
I have severe depression and chronic anxiety, it's pretty bad. But I might have something else because my whole life I've been labeled/seen as weird, even I recognize it. I'm not good with social interactions and I have some repeated habits that doesn't seem normal, but it doesn't affect me too much on a daily basis.
 
mediocre

mediocre

stuck in an alternative universe
Nov 9, 2019
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How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I have Aspergers and depression and was diagnosed with them at 12. I’m 27 now. Have you ever had any help or therapy or help from mental health services?
 
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Poptart

Poptart

Try me Frozen
Nov 7, 2019
77
181
USA
I'm 23. I was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression, and borderline personality when I was 12. I was later revaluated after a severe manic episode where I spent all my money, bought a goat, and thought god was speaking to me. They dropped the borderline diagnosis from childhood and diagnosed me with bipolar 1.

Ive been hospitalized numerous time and tried on various drug therapies. All of which failed. Until i was properly diagnosed and put on lithium.

I currently take effexor, wellbutrin, lamictal, lithium, and vraylar.

The drugs did more for me than therapy ever did. Therapy did help me become desensitized to my trauma though.
 
Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I have severe depression and chronic anxiety, it's pretty bad. But I might have something else because my whole life I've been labeled/seen as weird, even I recognize it. I'm not good with social interactions and I have some repeated habits that doesn't seem normal, but it doesn't affect me too much on a daily basis.
I have chronic anxiety too. I took medication for both anxiety and depression. I've also been labeled as eccentric/ weird since I was a kid. My problem is that I constantly worry about life,feel sad and hopeless all the time.I want to cry but tears won't come out.I feel so lonely since I'm at home stuck in my room but have no courage to go out. It's like I'm scared and want to hide from the world. Feels like I belong nowhere.
Have you ever had a manic/hypomanic experience?
No I haven't. I just feel sad all the time. I just read in internet that there's a thing called bipolar mania which causes a high energy and feeling jumpy.It has never happened to me. I only feel sad,lonely and no energy at all. I can stay in my bed doing nothing whole day.
 
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tiredofsuffering

tiredofsuffering

Wise
Apr 4, 2020
230
448
Brasil
I have chronic anxiety too. I took medication for both anxiety and depression. I've also been labeled as eccentric/ weird since I was a kid. My problem is that I constantly worry about life,feel sad and hopeless all the time.I want to cry but tears won't come out.I feel so lonely since I'm at home stuck in my room but have no courage to go out. It's like I'm scared and want to hide from the world. Feels like I belong nowhere.
I completely understand you. I had a phase where I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come out, that was when I was a teenager. I used to cry only in isolated situations, now anything triggers me.
 
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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? I have Aspergers and depression and was diagnosed with them at 12. I’m 27 now. Have you ever had any help or therapy or help from mental health services?
I'm 26 years old now. I was getting only medicine treatment for my depression and anxiety from a psychiatrist. I never had talk therapy. The psychiatrist didn't even talk much about the root of my problems. He only prescribed me antidepressants. I told him that I think that I might have aspergers and he just laughed it off and said "no you don't"
I'm 23. I was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression, and borderline personality when I was 12. I was later revaluated after a severe manic episode where I spent all my money, bought a goat, and thought god was speaking to me. They dropped the borderline diagnosis from childhood and diagnosed me with bipolar 1.

Ive been hospitalized numerous time and tried on various drug therapies. All of which failed. Until i was properly diagnosed and put on lithium.

I currently take effexor, wellbutrin, lamictal, lithium, and vraylar.

The drugs did more for me than therapy ever did. Therapy did help me become desensitized to my trauma though.
So sorry to hear about that. I never heard voices like someone is talking to me.I've never been hospitalized either.I may not have bipolar then. Do you not have any physical side effects of Lithium even if you take it for years?
 
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mediocre

mediocre

stuck in an alternative universe
Nov 9, 2019
1,062
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Ireland
I'm 26 years old now. I was getting only medicine treatment for my depression and anxiety from a psychiatrist. I never had talk therapy. The psychiatrist didn't even talk much about the root of my problems. He only prescribed me antidepressants. I told him that I think that I might have aspergers and he just laughed it off and said "no you don't"

So sorry to hear about that. I never heard voices like someone is talking to me.I've never been hospitalized either.I may not have bipolar then. Do you not have any physical side effects of Lithium even if you take it for years?
I think it might be harder to diagnose Aspergers at a later age but I’m not sure. I was going through a lot of stress otherwise I don’t think it would’ve been spotted. I’m not sure what specific test they do to diagnose it.
 
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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I completely understand you. I had a phase where I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come out, that was when I was a teenager. I used to cry only in isolated situations, now anything triggers me.
Crying is a body's natural relief for stress.It's a shame that I can't even cry properly now.It's better to let it go than keeping all the pain inside.I used to cry a lot when I was a teenager in school mainly because I was mistreated by a teacher for being eccentric.
 
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N

netrezven

Veteran
Dec 13, 2018
169
267
When i went with "i'm bipolar" things got better for a while. When i wanted to drive like mad with my eyes closed (lonely roads, no danger to anyone else), i learned to tell myslef "Hey you are manic, just enjoy the free drugs in your brain". This didn't go well anyway.
Few months ago i (or should i say we) are running on the osdd/1b life. It explains alot and works for now. I take drugs only for pleasure. Sometimes when the suicidal parts hit in i want morphine so much... When this happens we made a deal to just do nothing and speak nothing. It still creates some damage around us but at least is somehow limited. This happens once or twice a month, it always passes, but feels like never ending torture with only one possible escape from it. The other time of the month is quite cool, very cool or unbelivable, depends on the memories each of us has access to.
 
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Simba

Simba

Missunderstood Potato
Dec 9, 2018
136
503
simba-5098.insanejournal.com
Yes. Was diagnosed autism at age 11/12 even tho i was in small classes my whole life. Depression since 2015-2016. I also scratch myself a lot for years so i look ugly ,i went to a psychodermatologist and she confirmed that i had skin picking disorder otherwise known as dermatilomania :/ plus i have chrones and problems with eating food ,i only eat soft food that ain't solid :(
 
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NomadicWolf382

NomadicWolf382

I want to drift into the lucid dream, endlessly...
Jun 11, 2020
79
115
Far from home
Severe clinical depression, Anxiety OCD, PTSD, and hyper attentive/vigilance disorder as a result of the anxiety and PTSD. I am in a constant state of being alert of my surroundings, and not being able to sleep effectively. My mind is in perpetual overdrive mode. :(
 
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Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

Unlovable
May 8, 2020
218
660
USA
I've never been diagnosed, but I have all the symptoms of manic depression.
I'm also socially awkward, extremely emotional, and a total fucking weirdo, so who knows what the hell else is wrong with me.
 
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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I think it might be harder to diagnose Aspergers at a later age but I’m not sure. I was going through a lot of stress otherwise I don’t think it would’ve been spotted. I’m not sure what specific test they do to diagnose it.
Yes I think so. I also was so stressed as a teenager and even attempted suicide once. In my country people and media don't even talk about Aspergers at all so there's no awareness about it. So many kids and adults go undiagnosed. They probably don't even know that they have it.I only got to know about it from the internet.
Yes. Was diagnosed autism at age 11/12 even tho i was in small classes my whole life. Depression since 2015-2016. I also scratch myself a lot for years so i look ugly ,i went to a psychodermatologist and she confirmed that i had skin picking disorder otherwise known as dermatilomania :/ plus i have chrones and problems with eating food ,i only eat soft food that ain't solid :(
So sorry to hear about that :( Has autism stopped you from forming friendships and a romantic relationship?
Severe clinical depression, Anxiety OCD, PTSD, and hyper attentive/vigilance disorder as a result of the anxiety and PTSD. I am in a constant state of being alert of my surroundings, and not being able to sleep effectively. My mind is in perpetual overdrive mode. :(
I have the same problem :( I'm always alert of my surroundings and can't sleep at night. Last night I could not sleep at all and stayed awake until around 6 AM. When I took antidepressants they made me sleep for long hours. Now I can't take them and sleeping is only a dream. Have you not tried any natural sleep aid like melatonin supplements?
I've never been diagnosed, but I have all the symptoms of manic depression.
I'm also socially awkward, extremely emotional, and a total fucking weirdo, so who knows what the hell else is wrong with me.
I'm also extremely emotional. It sucks because when we feel everything so deeply living becomes totally unbearable :( I'm also a total weirdo. I always felt that I don't belong anywhere in this society.
 
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Simba

Simba

Missunderstood Potato
Dec 9, 2018
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simba-5098.insanejournal.com
So sorry to hear about that :( Has autism stopped you from forming friendships and a romantic relationship?
I guess if it didn't stop me then i wouldn't be in here wanting to die so bad :( and i also feel things deep im sorry that you also have to go thru that :( my friend would tell me that there is nothing wrong with the way i talk to him on the phone and so on ,but now he's gone :( sometimes life can be so unfair to the nicest people in life :/
 
Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I guess if it didn't stop me then i wouldn't be in here wanting to die so bad :( and i also feel things deep im sorry that you also have to go thru that :( my friend would tell me that there is nothing wrong with the way i talk to him on the phone and so on ,but now he's gone :( sometimes life can be so unfair to the nicest people in life :/
I know right :( It's so unfair.It's usually people with kindest souls who have to suffer so much.How old are you now if you don't mind me asking? And what happened to your friend? Did he pass away? :(
 
NomadicWolf382

NomadicWolf382

I want to drift into the lucid dream, endlessly...
Jun 11, 2020
79
115
Far from home
I have the same problem :( I'm always alert of my surroundings and can't sleep at night. Last night I could not sleep at all and stayed awake until around 6 AM. When I took antidepressants they made me sleep for long hours. Now I can't take them and sleeping is only a dream. Have you not tried any natural sleep aid like melatonin supplements?
I’ve tried it several times in the past. At one point I was prescribed it by a clinic I went to. Unfortunately, it really has no effect on me at all :( I am not really certain if it’s due to being a rare case of having no effect, due to being in a nomadic state right now, or both.
 
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Simba

Simba

Missunderstood Potato
Dec 9, 2018
136
503
simba-5098.insanejournal.com
I know right :( It's so unfair.It's usually people with kindest souls who have to suffer so much.How old are you now if you don't mind me asking? And what happened to your friend? Did he pass away? :(
My friend is alive and kicking ,just doesn't wanna associate with me. I'm 23 and yeah it's really annoying :(
 
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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I’ve tried it several times in the past. At one point I was prescribed it by a clinic I went to. Unfortunately, it really has no effect on me at all :( I am not really certain if it’s due to being a rare case of having no effect, due to being in a nomadic state right now, or both.
Wow I'm sorry that it didn't work for you :( I haven't used melatonin myself but have researched about it online. Not being able to sleep at night sucks. I think about going to a doctor to get something prescribed for my insomnia.
My friend is alive and kicking ,just doesn't wanna associate with me. I'm 23 and yeah it's really annoying :(
Aww that's so sad :( I'm sorry it happened to you. It's extremely painful when someone we felt a strong connection just leave us out of blue. It has happened to me. So I feel your pain :(
 
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WitheringAway

Member
Jun 23, 2020
61
133
I used to think that I had depression only but now I think that I might have bipolar disorder too because I have suicidal thoughts in my mind 24/7. I used to take the same antidepressants for years for my depression but it left me with a terrible physical side effect so I had to stop taking them some days ago. When I took them I felt a mental relief even though it was not permanent. Now I can't even have it. I also believe that I have autism or aspergers because I have all the characteristics of someone who have it.I have poor social skills and intense compassion,empathy and connection with animals more than humans. All these conditions makes my mind a living hell. I can't have peace in my mind. I suffer emotionally every second.
I believe I have bipolar. Wish I had access to a professional diagnosis and treatment to confirm it.
 
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Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
I have nothing for him to gain from further interaction with me :( im useless :(
No you aren't useless hun. He's just a jerk. A true friend will never leave you no matter what.
 
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J

Joxalldaita

Ender of all
Jun 12, 2020
82
208
Hello. Yes, I have diagnoses of depression, anxiety, borderline, bipolar and autism. A right clusterbomb of difficulties. Psychiatrists haven't decided if I'm both borderline and bipolar or just one or the other.

Autism comes from my father's side and bipolar comes from my mother's. Hooray for inherited suffering.

I've had several manic episodes, each becoming more extreme, but I've always been aware of them and able to control irrational behaviours to some extent, or channel them productively instead of destructively. I spend 99% of my time severely depressed. The manias are triggered by inapproriate medication or intense emotional experiences. I become a completely different personality.

Like you, I have greater connection to animals than people and an intense compassion for them. I'm vegan as a result, and despair of humanity's abuse of animals, and the general cognitive dissonance practiced to alleviate guilt or responsibility for contributing to the abuse.

I understand and empathise with your pain. If I can be of any help with sharing experiences with these conditions, or coping with the strong emotions you feel, don't hesitate to PM.

Be well and never stop caring.
 
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Simba

Simba

Missunderstood Potato
Dec 9, 2018
136
503
simba-5098.insanejournal.com
No you aren't useless hun. He's just a jerk. A true friend will never leave you no matter what.
But that's just it , he's not a jerk and i still end up getting left behind it doesn't matter what i do it'll always be inevitable :( i wondered if maybe that's what God wanted from me (even tho i have some speculations regarding his existence ) - to suffer endlessly to the very last breath of my life.. to the very bitter end :( im gonna be useless no matter what i do and no matter whom i interact with .. used and abused as they say ,no ? And i don't mean physical abuse at all.. oh well :(
 
Underscore

Underscore

_
Jul 31, 2018
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I have always suffered from existential depression.
I'm not bipolar and grateful for that.
It's possible I have Asperger's or autism, but I'm 48 and TBH I don't want a diagnosis for something I've always lived with that will just give me another label for them to use to discriminate against me.
 
Misery99

Misery99

Member
May 12, 2020
41
59
Hello. Yes, I have diagnoses of depression, anxiety, borderline, bipolar and autism. A right clusterbomb of difficulties. Psychiatrists haven't decided if I'm both borderline and bipolar or just one or the other.

Autism comes from my father's side and bipolar comes from my mother's. Hooray for inherited suffering.

I've had several manic episodes, each becoming more extreme, but I've always been aware of them and able to control irrational behaviours to some extent, or channel them productively instead of destructively. I spend 99% of my time severely depressed. The manias are triggered by inapproriate medication or intense emotional experiences. I become a completely different personality.

Like you, I have greater connection to animals than people and an intense compassion for them. I'm vegan as a result, and despair of humanity's abuse of animals, and the general cognitive dissonance practiced to alleviate guilt or responsibility for contributing to the abuse.

I understand and empathise with your pain. If I can be of any help with sharing experiences with these conditions, or coping with the strong emotions you feel, don't hesitate to PM.

Be well and never stop caring.
Sorry to hear about that :( I feel your pain.I also spend like 99% of my time severely depressed :( I can't remember a day where I laughed or had a fun time. All my life I had been always left behind,forgotten and abandoned. I had been to psychiatrist for depression and anxiety but I know that I have other issues which hasn't been diagnosed.I believe that I might have aspergers. Because I'm so socially awkward beyond belief.

I had no one to listen to my sorrow and comfort me.My siblings are also lot older than me so they got married and moved on with their lives. I don't even have them near to talk about issues with my mom.My mom is a narcissistic and over controling freak which makes matters worse for me.

I'm also extremely sensitive about animals. I cry when I see videos of animal cruelty and how animals get killed and abused in slaughterhouses :( I feel very sad about not being able to help them. I'm as helpless as they are.

I'm glad that we can relate. I'll PM you surely. Thanks :)
But that's just it , he's not a jerk and i still end up getting left behind it doesn't matter what i do it'll always be inevitable :( i wondered if maybe that's what God wanted from me (even tho i have some speculations regarding his existence ) - to suffer endlessly to the very last breath of my life.. to the very bitter end :( im gonna be useless no matter what i do and no matter whom i interact with .. used and abused as they say ,no ? And i don't mean physical abuse at all.. oh well :(
I understand that pain about getting left behind :( It has happened to me a lot. God took away every little thing which made me happy.He really wants me to suffer until my last breath. It's not physical abuse for me either. It's the mental abuse. Mental abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. The problem is people can't see our scars. :(
 
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Simba

Simba

Missunderstood Potato
Dec 9, 2018
136
503
simba-5098.insanejournal.com
I understand that pain about getting left behind :( It has happened to me a lot. God took away every little thing which made me happy.He really wants me to suffer until my last breath. It's not physical abuse for me either. It's the mental abuse. Mental abuse is just as painful as physical abuse. The problem is people can't see our scars. :(
I'm sorry that you're suffering :( i tried to help my mammy with her phone and daddy shouted at me so i went an slammed my door shut while crying and then mammy came and shouted at me too about the door slamming :( i feel really bad about everything and i want to talk to my friend but he don't wanna associate with me :( I'll probably die from a broken heart like dogs do too :aw::'(:'(:'(;-;:aw::aw:
 
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