And so I am here

R

readyfordeath

New Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2020
Messages
2
Reaction score
4
Hi board,

I am decided to make my first post here since I am in so much pain over the last 8 weeks. I have never seriously attempted suicide but the thought of dying is all that keeps me going these days, it is my luxury thought that I know I can end it. The moment is growing closer and I am starting serious preparation now for this.

I first attempted suicide when I was 12 years old I put a spoon into the neutral in an attempt to electrocute myself after a hard day at school, unsurprisingly it didn't work or even shock me. I was severely bullied in school and dropped out at 14 without any formal educational certificates or recognition. Since these days I have been resilient and independent.

I am here now at 33 years and I have decided that I have enough of life. I led a great life until covid started, I traveled the world extensively and met amazing people, I got married last year to my wife whom I love so very much but she hates me, I married her primarily as I love her and want that she could benefit from my death pension and with Citizenship also as she is from a different country.

I went to my own doctor here in December and appealed for help, his stupid advice was to see a therapist, I didn't get therapy yet due to our appalling Socialized Healthcare system, we pay around 73% tax but get the worst healthcare. Economic matters are not really a factor in my decision, I am relatively well off and I own two houses and have rental income from that, I also get a form of disability payment from the Govt due to what happened to me as a kid. Normally now I would be sitting on a beach or swanning somewhere exotic, I would routinely spend 1-2 months of winter in either Thailand, the Philippines or Latin American or Brazil. Low cost of living and friendly locals and amazing women.

Last year I was in a relationship with my ex and she broke up with me, I wrote my will and a suicide note then. I traveled to Mexico to buy Nembutal and instead found new meaning in Tijuana when I hooked up with several American and Mexican women via tinder. I abandoned my plan for Nembutal as I got cold feet to transport it across the US border as I flew in and out via LAX. How much I regret that decision in recent weeks.

I want to die peacefully but I have very limited options here,

I have no access to either Nembutal or Sodium Nitrate
I have no access to firearms, I will fail the medical due to my depression diagnosis

I don't know what to do but I want the pain to go, recently I slept 17hrs today, I have very bad SAD at the moment, due to my Northern Latitude location and being stuck here at home like a prisoner with a complete curfew lockdown until next March. I can't last that long and I have decided to end my life before then.
 
Pookie

Pookie

Hello darkness, my old friend.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
528
Reaction score
1,250
I’m not quite sure why you want to commit suicide? Is it due to lockdown that you’re getting depressed? Or have you always suffered from depression?
 
R

readyfordeath

New Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2020
Messages
2
Reaction score
4
I’m not quite sure why you want to commit suicide? Is it due to lockdown that you’re getting depressed? Or have you always suffered from depression?

I have developed depression out of lockdown and I was never ever like this before.
 
Pookie

Pookie

Hello darkness, my old friend.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
528
Reaction score
1,250
I have developed depression out of lockdown and I was never ever like this before.
Please don’t do anything impulsive now. This lockdown situation might be temporary. Once everyone gets vaxxed, restrictions will probably ease and this lockdown madness will end. Then life can return to normal and your depression might lift again. You can also speak to your doctor to try some meds to make this lockdown more bearable or therapy might help. Maybe a new hobby or something to distract you. There are a few things you can try. There is hope for you.
 
Last edited:
adam&eve

adam&eve

Student
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
175
Reaction score
230
Please don’t do anything impulsive now. This lockdown situation might be temporary. Once everyone gets vaxxed, restrictions will probably ease and this lockdown madness will end. Then life can return to normal and your depression might lift again. You can also speak to your doctor to try some meds to make this lockdown more bearable or therapy might help. Maybe a new hobby or something to distract you. There are a few things you can try. There is hope for you.
Totally agree!
 
ZardozOmega

ZardozOmega

Narcissist Gay NEET-cel
Joined
Mar 4, 2020
Messages
509
Reaction score
1,134
my narcissism is getting all fired up from reading this
 

Similar threads

S
Replies
6
Views
170
RoseyBird
RoseyBird
F
Replies
0
Views
112
fred farkle
F
nottrying23
Replies
7
Views
317
Marktheghost
Marktheghost
Top