[Story] An introduction to me

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highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

Upset I'm still here.
Feb 14, 2020
116
195
Hello all. You can call me whatever you'd like really. Since I'm not using my common username. I found this through a rather.. odd discord server. I had joined the server with good intentions, but when I saw how the people talked I decided against it. Either way I am here now and am honestly happy to be. You all seem so supportive and helpful, although I have only been here for a little over an hour or so.

I decided to join because its not many places where I can be open about how I feel. I have always felt like I didnt want to be here for years. Certain things have helped to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. But with the loss of my mom, the long hours at my internship, and the loss of my relationship. It has all took a toll on me and I dont think I can pay up. I lost my mother july of last year. She was one of the kindest, most loving people I knew. When she passed I was in shock. I still am. My grandmother could have treated her better. I should have hugged her more. She would call and text me everu day. She couldnt operate a phone too well but damn it she tried. I have voicemails and texts saved from her that I cant bear to look at.

I am currently unemployed. I have been since her passing. Before her passing my sleep has been absolutely shit. I have problems eating, sleeping, showering.. you name it. I am usually an avid gamer but I hadnt even hooked up my ps4 nor touched my 3ds. I recently moved to live with my father in another part of Tennessee. As the old place I was living I was just being a caretaker of my grandparents like my mom was before she died. I dont know how the hell she did it for so long. I am not nearly as strong as she was. But now I am currently in a new city. With no friends. A father eho is egotistical, money and status obsessed and has been married soon to be 6 fucking times. And my partner left me. Im still crushed about that. I could talk about it more in detail in another post but I dont have the heart to start crying right now again.. I just stopped.

But the reason I joined this place is because I dont want to exist. If i could disappear without hurting my loved ones I would. If i could go without anyone noticing id do that too. Sadly those are only dreams.. and id given up on all of mine.

But thats a snippet of the person who is "me" pleased to meet you all.
 
Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
401
571
Pleased to meet u Honey and welcome!..yeah u have been thru many challenges, esp the loss of ur mom..I have an amazing mom n can't even begin to imagine the pain ur going thru..coupled with the unemployment..Ur still in mourning..take some time n hang around here n vent..we're great listeners, counselors, advisors, and family..Ur in the right place! .Get ready to feel the LOVE . :heart:
 
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Reactions: highlyvolatile
highlyvolatile

highlyvolatile

Upset I'm still here.
Feb 14, 2020
116
195
Pleased to meet u Honey and welcome!..yeah u have been thru many challenges, esp the loss of ur mom..I have an amazing mom n can't even begin to imagine the pain ur going thru..coupled with the unemployment..Ur still in mourning..take some time n hang around here n vent..we're great listeners, counselors, advisors, and family..Ur in the right place! .Get ready to feel the LOVE . :heart:
thank you so much. i wanted to take myself to see sonic movie but i spent majority of thr time crying. i feel myswlf bresking down. im here now and the theaters empty... i was hoping more people would be here so i wouldnt be alone. and thanks for the warm welcome again. everything hurts i want it to end.
 
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Lostandfound7

Lostandfound7

Just waiting....
Jan 21, 2020
401
571
Well it is kinda early. If u would have went later today or tomor, there would have been more ppl..Everything u r feeling is totally normal. Loss of ur dear mom, unemployment, bad break up..it makes sense..I'm here for u..feel free to vent/talk..
 
Iloveyouall

Iloveyouall

Veteran
Feb 12, 2020
127
182
Hello all. You can call me whatever you'd like really. Since I'm not using my common username. I found this through a rather.. odd discord server. I had joined the server with good intentions, but when I saw how the people talked I decided against it. Either way I am here now and am honestly happy to be. You all seem so supportive and helpful, although I have only been here for a little over an hour or so.

I decided to join because its not many places where I can be open about how I feel. I have always felt like I didnt want to be here for years. Certain things have helped to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. But with the loss of my mom, the long hours at my internship, and the loss of my relationship. It has all took a toll on me and I dont think I can pay up. I lost my mother july of last year. She was one of the kindest, most loving people I knew. When she passed I was in shock. I still am. My grandmother could have treated her better. I should have hugged her more. She would call and text me everu day. She couldnt operate a phone too well but damn it she tried. I have voicemails and texts saved from her that I cant bear to look at.

I am currently unemployed. I have been since her passing. Before her passing my sleep has been absolutely shit. I have problems eating, sleeping, showering.. you name it. I am usually an avid gamer but I hadnt even hooked up my ps4 nor touched my 3ds. I recently moved to live with my father in another part of Tennessee. As the old place I was living I was just being a caretaker of my grandparents like my mom was before she died. I dont know how the hell she did it for so long. I am not nearly as strong as she was. But now I am currently in a new city. With no friends. A father eho is egotistical, money and status obsessed and has been married soon to be 6 fucking times. And my partner left me. Im still crushed about that. I could talk about it more in detail in another post but I dont have the heart to start crying right now again.. I just stopped.

But the reason I joined this place is because I dont want to exist. If i could disappear without hurting my loved ones I would. If i could go without anyone noticing id do that too. Sadly those are only dreams.. and id given up on all of mine.

But thats a snippet of the person who is "me" pleased to meet you all.
Sorry for your loss my friend. I can't imagine how hard it could be.
Have you talked to anyone about how you feel ? I mean friends that you still keep in touch from your previous place ?
i wanted to take myself to see sonic movie but i spent majority of thr time crying.
Is the movie that bad ? :p
 
Underscore

Underscore

Illuminated
Jul 31, 2018
1,844
3,481
Hello all. You can call me whatever you'd like really. Since I'm not using my common username. I found this through a rather.. odd discord server. I had joined the server with good intentions, but when I saw how the people talked I decided against it. Either way I am here now and am honestly happy to be. You all seem so supportive and helpful, although I have only been here for a little over an hour or so.

I decided to join because its not many places where I can be open about how I feel. I have always felt like I didnt want to be here for years. Certain things have helped to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. But with the loss of my mom, the long hours at my internship, and the loss of my relationship. It has all took a toll on me and I dont think I can pay up. I lost my mother july of last year. She was one of the kindest, most loving people I knew. When she passed I was in shock. I still am. My grandmother could have treated her better. I should have hugged her more. She would call and text me everu day. She couldnt operate a phone too well but damn it she tried. I have voicemails and texts saved from her that I cant bear to look at.

I am currently unemployed. I have been since her passing. Before her passing my sleep has been absolutely shit. I have problems eating, sleeping, showering.. you name it. I am usually an avid gamer but I hadnt even hooked up my ps4 nor touched my 3ds. I recently moved to live with my father in another part of Tennessee. As the old place I was living I was just being a caretaker of my grandparents like my mom was before she died. I dont know how the hell she did it for so long. I am not nearly as strong as she was. But now I am currently in a new city. With no friends. A father eho is egotistical, money and status obsessed and has been married soon to be 6 fucking times. And my partner left me. Im still crushed about that. I could talk about it more in detail in another post but I dont have the heart to start crying right now again.. I just stopped.

But the reason I joined this place is because I dont want to exist. If i could disappear without hurting my loved ones I would. If i could go without anyone noticing id do that too. Sadly those are only dreams.. and id given up on all of mine.

But thats a snippet of the person who is "me" pleased to meet you all.
Pleased to meet you. I'm so sorry, especially for the loss of your mum. I lost my mum several years ago after her tortuous battle with dementia. It cut me deep and I still think about her all the time. The pain did slowly get easier to deal with though. I too am unemployed and barely sleep. I'm unwell and have a very uncertain future (actually, that's being optimistic!). I feel the need to make it stop too, but its not that easy, if only it were.
There's usually someone around on here who will listen, but of course the population ebbs and flows.
 
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Epsilon0

Epsilon0

One candle left to burn before the darkness comes.
Dec 28, 2019
478
935
Welcome to the forum! I am sorry for your loss. It’s clear from the way you write that you love your mum dearly.

The loss of a parent or someone very close is a heavy burden to carry. I lost someone almost 20 years ago and my knees buckle under me still, when I think if them, or something suddenly reminds me of the fact that they are gone.
 
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