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Am I a Manipulator?

Xocoyotziin

Xocoyotziin

idk
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
156
I think it's understandable to be reflexively protective of people who you think might be more vulnerable or less experienced than you.

I also think it's often a lot easier to see the value in other's lives than your own when you're suicidal, so that when you know someone else who's suicidal and similarly doesn't see the value in their own life the way you do in theirs, it's natural to attempt to inform of this value just in case it's a causative factor for their state of mind and maybe to provide a counternarrative to the way they think about themselves and the world.

But I think there are also a couple of problems here. One, age is actually a pretty superficial reason for valuing the life of one person over another, and it'll show if it's the only reason you can come up with for valuing someone. Two, it's a little patronizing to assume that because someone has fewer life experiences than you in terms of raw time alive that this means they're less capable of understanding their relationship with themselves, others and the world to the point where they can't determine for themselves what they want those relationships to be and who/where they want to be, even if that means death- none/nowhere/no one. I for one can attest that in some respects I saw things much more clearly when I was younger, thou gh not in others, and I don't believe life experience necessarily follows a constant uphill trajectory of something vague like maturity, instead it's one shifting state.

But like, I seriously wouldn't blame myself too hard if I were you, and I don't think it's a sign of like, psychopathy or something lol. Is it the best way to go about things, especially here? Probably not. But maybe there's another way you can convey the value that you see in others? The protective feelings themselves don't strike me as wrong as long as you don't presumptuously insert yourself in a paternal kind of role. If you really want to "benevolently" manipulate people into survival it seems to me the way to go is understanding people when they're vulnerable instead of forcing your own agenda. That's what I gather a lot of people are really looking for here. And that's something you can't really force I don't think, it happens organically or it doesn't and if it doesn't it's not your role and that's okay.
 
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Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
414
It's bullying. I too am on this person's ignore list and and I say Thank you Jesus. I spotted this on my first day when I was targeted. It's one of the standard tactics of forum bullies. As long as I can't see what they say it's not a problem.
First they bully you and when you respond with a satisfying message back showing submission, confusion, or any response at all they have gotten that little ego fix and announce for all to see contemptuously that they have "put you on ignore", which is supposed to be the coup de grace in your humiliation.

Sorry, but you've got me laughing. Thanks.

And, I recall that thread now that you mentioned. I forgot it was you on the other end of that situation. But, many/most/all of us are having big time problems and we are all on SS for some reason, and I try and keep this in mind.

And, as some negative types love to show case who they are blocking I'll take the opposite approach. YOU will be the FIRST person I add to my follow list once I figure out how it works.

I'm trying to figure this stuff out still. I think it might have been you perhaps, but someone posted a message "to my wall" and I cant find my wall. But, I will find it sooner or later and respond to whoever this was.

I see these messages of people following me and I don't understand what this means. Maybe, they get notified when I post? And, whoever is following me, thanks!
 
Gaius_Baltar

Gaius_Baltar

Nothing But The Rain
Joined
Apr 14, 2020
Messages
22
I'm trying to figure this stuff out still. I think it might have been you perhaps, but someone posted a message "to my wall" and I cant find my wall. But, I will find it sooner or later and respond to whoever this was.

I see these messages of people following me and I don't understand what this means. Maybe, they get notified when I post? And, whoever is following me, thanks!
to smite .... just click on the miscreant's name and then choose ignore

hail a fellow with the follow button (which lives right next door to ignore)

what happens after that, i have no idea ... have never ignored nor flocked
 
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W

worried_to_death

Illuminated
Joined
Jul 14, 2020
Messages
1,306
I'm thinking if they are posting and seeking advice and my objective is ideally that I might be able to help them keep going, then this shouldn't reek of manipulation on my end, or does it?
Maybe try not to have any objectives at all, like read each post and threat in as neutral a frame of mind as possible?

But if you do sense that someone isn't sure of themselves, or seems to be giving off a signal that they are looking for someone to potentially talk them out of it, then try asking them if they haven't tried x,y,z, or just gently suggest that there may be a solution to their problem which they are unaware of, which doesn't involve ctb?
 
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Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
414
I think it's understandable to be reflexively protective of people who you think might be more vulnerable or less experienced than you.

I also think it's often a lot easier to see the value in other's lives than your own when you're suicidal, so that when you know someone else who's suicidal and similarly doesn't see the value in their own life the way you do in theirs, it's natural to attempt to inform of this value just in case it's a causative factor for their state of mind and maybe to provide a counternarrative to the way they think about themselves and the world.

But I think there are also a couple of problems here. One, age is actually a pretty superficial reason for valuing the life of one person over another, and it'll show if it's the only reason you can come up with for valuing someone. Two, it's a little patronizing to assume that because someone has fewer life experiences than you in terms of raw time alive that this means they're less capable of understanding their relationship with themselves, others and the world to the point where they can't determine for themselves what they want those relationships to be and who/where they want to be, even if that means death- none/nowhere/no one. I for one can attest that in some respects I saw things much more clearly when I was younger, thou gh not in others, and I don't believe life experience necessarily follows a constant uphill trajectory of something vague like maturity, instead it's one shifting state.

But like, I seriously wouldn't blame myself too hard if I were you, and I don't think it's a sign of like, psychopathy or something lol. Is it the best way to go about things, especially here? Probably not. But maybe there's another way you can convey the value that you see in others? The protective feelings themselves don't strike me as wrong as long as you don't presumptuously insert yourself in a paternal kind of role. If you really want to "benevolently" manipulate people into survival it seems to me the way to go is understanding people when they're vulnerable instead of forcing your own agenda. That's what I gather a lot of people are really looking for here. And that's something you can't really force I don't think, it happens organically or it doesn't and if it doesn't it's not your role and that's okay.


Great insight. Thanks.

Based on the quality of responses, it seems that most people are very self aware on SS. Do oithers agree with my epihany? Perhaps this is a huge factor with most member's pain? Back in the day, there was a saying about "don't go through life fat, dumb and happy". Maybe the sterotpical pro-lifer fell victim to this saying and perhaps this is why they can't understand suicide, especially with relatively younger people? Not a case of the pot calling the kettle black (I love subtlety, so a tiny hint of Goth there), because I was struggling to understand it, and hence this thread. I'm starting to understand better. You all are educating me.

Deep thinkers with high emotional intellegence needs no one trying to Sheppard them through life, IMO. Frankly, some people here with high emotional IQ could Sheppard me instead. An 18 year old posted on my thread and this person seemingly has figured stuff out better than me. This individual seeming could teach me more than I could teach them.

Perhaps, I never grasped the quality of thought by some young people. I never had this personally (and I still dont - deep thinking and self awareness is not in my gene pool - if you allow me to diffuse responsibility for myself), nor did my friends all of whom were jocks from high school. Not to sterotype, but I played American College football, and not one of us was a deep thinker. In college, my buddies on the football team weren't a bunch of Rhoads Scholars. Not judging any ex jock here as I'm in this club, and there are exceptions to every rule.

I'm thinking this forum has plenty of the more deep thinking artistic types. Like the punk rockers from my generation and the goth kids from the last generation. And, if the show South Park has taught me anything it's that goth kids are way deeper thinkers than me or any of my jock friends. I wish I was as a deep thinker and I love black clothing. So, only positive thoughts if you perceive that you were Goth or punk. Additionally, The Smiths/Morrissey are top picks in my personal music collection.

Plus, the fact that people are on SS shows me lack of impulsiveness to some extent. This signifcantly lessens the need for elderly oversight, IMO, now that I'm thinking less superficially.

Everyone give me feedback, please.
I hope you put that person on ignore and announce that you have "put them on ignore" haha.
Lol........there is an old school saying, about, "a moth being drawn to a flame", so "block me", but I know exactly who is still watching replies here hidden behind the scenes.

I understand human behavior fairly well. I have a super strong six sense and I can read and figure out people quickly in most cases.

So,."hello" to my hater(s).
Maybe try not to have any objectives at all, like read each post and threat in as neutral a frame of mind as possible?

But if you do sense that someone isn't sure of themselves, or seems to be giving off a signal that they are looking for someone to potentially talk them out of it, then try asking them if they haven't tried x,y,z, or just gently suggest that there may be a solution to their problem which they are unaware of, which doesn't involve ctb?

I was just thinking about this post of yours.
Please don't think that I'm trying to attack you or undermine your original intentions in any way.
I don't personally believe you meant this to come across badly at all, but were honestly reaching out to another member whose posts have touched you in some way.

But, there is a way it can be (mis)interpreted, which feels similar to what something Christof (the creator and overseer of the truman show in the film 'the truman show') might have said about Truman.

i.e., near the end of the film:

"Truman, I’ve watched you your whole life.
I saw you take your first step, your
first word, your first kiss. I know you
better than you know yourself."

Anyway, that being said, I hope you don't close your account.
I think you will have something valuable to add to this community.
Thanks. Hopefully, if when I come across in a manner that feels bad to anyone on the board
Maybe try not to have any objectives at all, like read each post and threat in as neutral a frame of mind as possible?



But if you do sense that someone isn't sure of themselves, or seems to be giving off a signal that they are looking for someone to potentially talk them out of it, then try asking them if they haven't tried x,y,z, or just gently suggest that there may be a solution to their problem which they are unaware of, which doesn't involve ctb?

I was just thinking about this post of yours.
Please don't think that I'm trying to attack you or undermine your original intentions in any way.
I don't personally believe you meant this to come across badly at all, but were honestly reaching out to another member whose posts have touched you in some way.

But, there is a way it can be (mis)interpreted, which feels similar to what something Christof (the creator and overseer of the truman show in the film 'the truman show') might have said about Truman.

i.e., near the end of the film:

"Truman, I’ve watched you your whole life.
I saw you take your first step, your
first word, your first kiss. I know you
better than you know yourself."

Anyway, that being said, I hope you don't close your account.
I think you will have something valuable to add to this community.
Thanks for the thoughtfull reply.
 
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C

checkouttime

Illuminated
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
1,336
I'm not going to comment on this thread, i want to see how it pans out though!
 
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