Afraid of dying alone

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GrizzlyGrapefruit

GrizzlyGrapefruit

Member
Jun 17, 2019
26
47
I'm planning on ctb with SN, and I'm extremely worried about how I'm going to react during the 10-15 minutes it takes to knock me out. A part of me feels like if I had someone there with me during the process it would be easier. Someone to just talk literally about whatever during the process -- why i'm doing it, what I had for dinner 3 years ago, dogs, ANYTHING.

Does anyone else feel this way? And is there anything I could possibly do to help ease this part of my fear (dealing with SI alone is going to be a hell of a thing, I'm sure)?
 
T

toolateforme

Veteran
Jul 2, 2018
162
539
I've been thinking about the same thing!! I was thinking of maybe finding someone who will want to voicechat me while I die or something? It's gonna be hard as fuck but I rather not die completely alone. Would be nice to have somebody talk me into it, too and ease my nerves.
 
whyidon'tknow

whyidon'tknow

Human
Jun 9, 2019
303
748
I've been thinking about the same thing!! I was thinking of maybe finding someone who will want to voicechat me while I die or something? It's gonna be hard as fuck but I rather not die completely alone. Would be nice to have somebody talk me into it, too and ease my nerves.

Be wary of people finding out some one was talking to you while you die. I would be concerned of that person getting trouble somehow.
 
onlyinsleep

onlyinsleep

I can see their faces
Jun 3, 2019
73
86
Same. I'd be alone with SN. Not sure if I'd feel pain. I wouldn't be able to talk to my good friend or parents (who tell me to just kill myself anyway--yes they're not good people) but yeah. I imagine listening to my favorite song (my user name) would be comforting.

In a way I almost feel like we aren't actually alone.

It is scary. But maybe you can talk in the chat room? Not sure if that's what I wanna do.
 
GrizzlyGrapefruit

GrizzlyGrapefruit

Member
Jun 17, 2019
26
47
Be wary of people finding out some one was talking to you while you die. I would be concerned of that person getting trouble somehow.
This is also something I thought about. I wouldn't want to be inadvertently getting anyone "left behind" in any kind of legal trouble (i.e. they may be charged for assisting with a suicide).
I imagine listening to my favorite song (my user name) would be comforting.
I also have been thinking that listening to music would be the next best thing. Although I also feel like it has the potential to make me more emotional? I can't really say for sure though until I'm there I guess.
 
D

Dubs

Veteran
Aug 16, 2018
101
128
I'm planning on ctb with SN, and I'm extremely worried about how I'm going to react during the 10-15 minutes it takes to knock me out.
How sure are we that you have 10+ minutes of good consciousness after SN? I know with N it is less than 5 minutes. I'm not sure which time frame I prefer. It seems like it would be nice to have 10+ minutes of relaxation knowing it will be over soon, but obviously you might panic with all that time.
 
LMFAO FOCKERS

LMFAO FOCKERS

Wise
May 26, 2019
260
697
Everywhere, Nowhere
@GrizzlyGrapefruit based on the few goodbye threads I've watched my perception is that it goes by pretty quick but that's mine based on being hundreds / thousands of miles away. I'm sure every second will feel like hours if you were the one experiencing it. The few people here were able to respond with 5 word sentences to 2-3 posts and give a few thumbs up to posts before passing. Some may regurgitate which takes some time away also.

Maybe that's why people continue to post here to pass time until the end.

After reading the explanation on how SN reacts with blood to starve the cells of oxygen, I have this picture of myself having an anxiety attack if I chose that method hence I prefer N or Nitrogen.
 
T

TimeToDie

Arcanist
Jun 13, 2019
524
1,238
I'm planning on ctb with SN, and I'm extremely worried about how I'm going to react during the 10-15 minutes it takes to knock me out. A part of me feels like if I had someone there with me during the process it would be easier.
I'd prefer to have my best friend (only friend) with me, but that's obviously not possible. My method doesn't offer any time to panic after, though there is the EXTREME terror leading up to trigger pull.
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,156
6,319
I'm planning on ctb with SN, and I'm extremely worried about how I'm going to react during the 10-15 minutes it takes to knock me out. A part of me feels like if I had someone there with me during the process it would be easier. Someone to just talk literally about whatever during the process -- why i'm doing it, what I had for dinner 3 years ago, dogs, ANYTHING.

Does anyone else feel this way? And is there anything I could possibly do to help ease this part of my fear (dealing with SI alone is going to be a hell of a thing, I'm sure)?
Call a prostitute or dominatrix. They're usually prepared for anything. Just make a video beforehand verifying that you took the sn before she arrived, ask her to hold your hand while you go. I'd have done it. I probably wouldn't even charge extra, but most will. Don't leave anything around that you don't want them to steal though. I wouldn't do that but most will.
 
Kuolema

Kuolema

Veteran
Jun 27, 2019
159
1,531
Does anyone else feel this way?
Not me. I'm scared of fucking up sure, but being alone when I put that rope around my neck feels like the only way to do it. Talking to someone would probably just make me have second thoughts. I'm doing this because I'm alone. If someone cared enough about me to help me ctb, well then I wouldn't be alone.
Call a prostitute or dominatrix.
lol. Nothing like a bit of cock-stomping before you meet God.
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,156
6,319
Not me. I'm scared of fucking up sure, but being alone when I put that rope around my neck feels like the only way to do it. Talking to someone would probably just make me have second thoughts. I'm doing this because I'm alone. If someone cared enough about me to help me ctb, well then I wouldn't be alone.

lol. Nothing like a bit of cock-stomping before you meet God.
oh shit I just remembered the authorities would still try to charge her for not calling 911. she would only be safe if she would agree to say she had no idea you took sn and thought you were just sleeping, maybe call 911 after.
I would do this if guys had asked me. I'd feel a bit like a mortician but if they said they needed it, I'm a sucker, I probably would.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,156
6,319
lol when you said "choking me down" I thought you meant strangling you
I want to tangle the waistband of a beautiful man's underwear around my neck and do partial suspension from his hip while he stands there, bewildered and helpless.
(I am aware no human could actually tolerate this, for some reason I just find the absurd imagery funny. Maybe I'll use a sex doll.)
 
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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
1,735
3,538
Part of why I'm still here, I guess... I wish I'd had someone to hold my hand back in November. I'd put my goodbye thread up but couldn't bear to read it, so all the comforting messages were just piling on unseen. And I felt incredibly alone and scared of the void, kinda like how I felt when I first comprehended the idea of death at 5. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay, but I was too afraid to ask.

lol when you said "choking me down" I thought you meant strangling you
I want to tangle the waistband of a beautiful man's underwear around my neck and do partial suspension from his hip while he stands there, bewildered and helpless.
(I am aware no human could actually tolerate this, for some reason I just find the absurd imagery funny. Maybe I'll use a sex doll.)
I'm unable to work out exactly how this would work, but to me, the plausible positions conjure mental images that are decidedly odd.
If you do end up getting there, stream it.
 
dreamsofdestruction

dreamsofdestruction

Everywhere I look is chaos
May 9, 2019
310
537
I always imagined maybe I'd be able to at least talk for a while with someone on video or something before I do anything. Just to say goodbye to the world and feel like I was a part of it at least a little bit. But I probably won't even be able to have that.
 
not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,156
6,319
Part of why I'm still here, I guess... I wish I'd had someone to hold my hand back in November. I'd put my goodbye thread up but couldn't bear to read it, so all the comforting messages were just piling on unseen. And I felt incredibly alone and scared of the void, kinda like how I felt when I first comprehended the idea of death at 5. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay, but I was too afraid to ask.


I'm unable to work out exactly how this would work, but to me, the plausible positions conjure mental images that are decidedly odd.
If you do end up getting there, stream it.
lol I could sketch it for you. It's PG rated, just, you know, morbid. Comically morbid, but not violent.
Lol like a sexy game of Twister in which the woman is suicidal and the man is an unlucky innocent bystander being used for partial suspension.
I always imagined maybe I'd be able to at least talk for a while with someone on video or something before I do anything. Just to say goodbye to the world and feel like I was a part of it at least a little bit. But I probably won't even be able to have that.
Twitch I guess.
 
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Burzolog

Burzolog

Arcanist
Apr 5, 2018
590
735
lol when you said "choking me down" I thought you meant strangling you
I want to tangle the waistband of a beautiful man's underwear around my neck and do partial suspension from his hip while he stands there, bewildered and helpless.
(I am aware no human could actually tolerate this, for some reason I just find the absurd imagery funny. Maybe I'll use a sex doll.)
Does the word "choke" has any slang notion I'm unaware of? Because that's precisely what I meant.

Am I getting this correctly? You want to use the beautiful man as a fulcrum and strangle yourself... with his underwear? I would be bewildered too.

lol I could sketch it for you. It's PG rated, just, you know, morbid. Comically morbid, but not violent.
I want it, I want it!
 
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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
1,735
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lol I could sketch it for you. It's PG rated, just, you know, morbid. Comically morbid, but not violent.
Lol like a sexy game of Twister in which the woman is suicidal and the man is an unlucky innocent bystander being used for partial suspension.
Ahk, that one. Well, I can't see underwear working. Too elastic. But then, I might have an unusual amount of muscle in my neck.
 
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not_a_robot

not_a_robot

"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
May 30, 2019
2,156
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Ahk, that one. Well, I can't see underwear working. Too elastic. But then, I might have an unusual amount of muscle in my neck.
Maybe she's not serious maybe it's a cry for help.
 
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lululoo

lululoo

Master
Dec 15, 2018
499
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There used to be “exit guides” from exit international but the US and other countries kept arresting them :hmph:
There still are, as of a few months ago at least. But they have strict rules for who they will help.
 
J

jake3d

Illuminated
May 29, 2019
1,041
2,185
Europe
You could always pick someone that you like here and talk to them in private on the chat. A couple people have done that with me since i've been here and no, I do not feel traumatized at all. One of them, I miss a little bit, but I know they would've done it anyway and their decison was already taken, just as mine is.

A video call is a very bad idea IMHO. Besides potentially causing trauma to the other person, too many chances of it getting leaked over in the media.
 
dreamsofdestruction

dreamsofdestruction

Everywhere I look is chaos
May 9, 2019
310
537
A video call is a very bad idea IMHO. Besides potentially causing trauma to the other person, too many chances of it getting leaked over in the media.
You can disconnect it before you actually go through with ending your life. I wouldn't want to live stream that either.
 
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