27 and never had a gf

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TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

If you can't fix what's broken you'll go insane.
Nov 7, 2019
1,693
4,175
27
I'm 27. Never had a girlfriend. I am not ugly but never had luck with women due to my personality. I'm a very shy quiet person but with a troubled mind. And now with depression and all this is very difficult and a break-up could lead me to finally ctb . I feel embarrased when I say to therapists that I've never been in a relationship but at least I tell the truth. I know that there are lots of guys who have a wife and children who kill themselves so I know my ctb thoughts will still be in my mind if I'm in a relationship but this partially is why I want to ctb. I have other more important problems though. Sometimes I think love is not for me and I shouldn't worry about that but for some reason it bothers me that I never had a girlfriend.
 
glittergore

glittergore

the sea, the sea
Jun 16, 2020
84
330
23
Have you ever tried online dating? I thought I was fundamentally unappealing until I joined some dating apps and had people that showed genuine interest in me. I'm shy too and it's perfect because you can get to know someone first before meeting up with them in person. There's also a wider pool of people. Regardless, you not having had a girlfriend at 27 isn't a negative reflection on you; you've just been dealing with a lot for a long time.
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

If you can't fix what's broken you'll go insane.
Nov 7, 2019
1,693
4,175
27
Have you ever tried online dating? I thought I was fundamentally unappealing until I joined some dating apps and had people that showed genuine interest in me. I'm shy too and it's perfect because you can get to know someone first before meeting up with them in person. There's also a wider pool of people. Regardless, you not having had a girlfriend at 27 isn't a negative reflection on you; you've just been dealing with a lot for a long time.
I tried Tinder App. Made lot of matches but never concrete a date. I don't know maybe I'm destined to die single lol As I say, it's not the main reason why I want to ctb but I'd like to give it a try. I can't ctb without at leas trying. By the way, I know there are other issues more important like health issues for example.
 
faust

faust

lost among the stars
Jan 26, 2020
3,128
4,995
I think, first of all, it would be great to understand why you think you need/need a girlfriend. Like what are your expectations considering relationships, what you would like them to be. Always keep in mind that before you find your first girlfriend and after a few break-ups your attitude may change significantly.
Being shy and quiet does not make you bad, you can find some really good girlfriends with same type of character. Well, at least that will be easier for both of you.
Unfortunately, I cannot recommend you something specific because I don't know what kind of relationships would be suitable for you and I don't know who you are looking for. Don't want to impose my own views as well, because I am extremely tired of relationships though had been looking for them for long years, so will let you think on your own. Take care!
 
Abgrundanziehung

Abgrundanziehung

Member
Jun 24, 2020
64
143
I have a kind of a terrible personality in a lot of ways but still had a long term relationship for almost 15 years. I barely know how to talk to people likely due high functioning autism. There are lots of other people out there who are shy and weird but we're all hiding and afraid no one will like us. I don't have any good advice since I will probably die alone as well. I don't think any of that was helpful but there you go.
 
TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

If you can't fix what's broken you'll go insane.
Nov 7, 2019
1,693
4,175
27
I think, first of all, it would be great to understand why you think you need/need a girlfriend. Like what are your expectations considering relationships, what you would like them to be. Always keep in mind that before you find your first girlfriend and after a few break-ups your attitude may change significantly.
Being shy and quiet does not make you bad, you can find some really good girlfriends with same type of character. Well, at least that will be easier for both of you.
Unfortunately, I cannot recommend you something specific because I don't know what kind of relationships would be suitable for you and I don't know who you are looking for. Don't want to impose my own views as well, because I am extremely tired of relationships though had been looking for them for long years, so will let you think on your own. Take care!
Thanks a lot
I don't have any good advice since I will probably die alone as well. I don't think any of that was helpful but there you go.
Thanks for your comment. We all die alone. But for me maybe a relationship could contribute to feel better and I want to try before ctb.
 
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J

Joxalldaita

Ender of all
Jun 12, 2020
117
309
I was 27 before I entered into a relationship. My reasons were that I'm socially avoidant, asexual and antinatalist as well as physically isolated where I live. I felt lonely, but had no drive to seek a partner. I was especially concerned about the trouble and drama often experienced by people in relationships. I wanted to avoid that and maintain independence. I didn't want the responsibility of another person's physical and emotional needs either. Plus I was in an interdependent carer role with family.

It transpired that an old friend contacted me in a bad state of affairs, seeking help. I helped. They pushed for a relationship. I'm a pushover and was lonely so allowed it. My family got defensive and tried to stop things, because I was taking on a person's problems and they believed I was being manipulated. I was forced in a position between family and this friend/partner. I did not want to be there. I had no choice but to sever from family.

It was the worst decision I've had to make. I've been ostracised and living in misery ever since. I lost everything I valued. My mental health has tanked. I'm trapped. I can't turn to family for comfort. I want my old life back, when I was innocent of relationships and free of the burdens.

Carefully consider the consequences and changes that would come to your life. Being single is not a bad thing at all.
 
T

Thatdude

Life is temporary, death is permanent
Sep 26, 2019
250
315
I tried Tinder App
Tinder isn't a good place to find someone IMO. IMO Tinder is better for hookups, and it is only useful if you have looks.
Plenty Of Fish tends to be a better spot. OK Cupid also is OK, but depending on your area you might find worse results there. Still, it is worth having a profile in both places since both are free. Just note spam and scams.
 
FriendofDeath

FriendofDeath

Wizard
May 22, 2020
605
497
I'm happy to see you want to try a relationship, to figure out if that's something you can enjoy. I appreciate the fact that you are honest with your therapist, too. I just ignore that part of my life during sessions! :)

Try some of those free sites that were suggested. This might be a really good time because there would probably be more opportunity to get to know someone online due to the pandemic. I've considered it myself. And if you have any interests, maybe you can find a club or volunteer opportunity.

Have you tried any meds for your depression and/or do you see a therapist regularly? That could help, too, if you haven't. I unfortunately need meds. Thankfully Prozac is cheap now!
 
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lovelypirategirl

lovelypirategirl

I'm not ok, I'm just good at pretending I am
Mar 22, 2020
32
118
27
Mexico City
I am also 27 years old and the only "relationship" I've ever had was with a guy when I was 13 during junior high school. I completely understand you... now it's hard to see that most of my friends are starting to get married and I'm still the #foreveralone of the group
 
4giveme

4giveme

Member
May 23, 2020
19
40
New Zealand
I understand that not having a gf can make you feel a bit down but tbh while your currently depressed falling in love is one of the most hardest things while you have this depression. I've been depressed for quite some time and I got a gf and fell in love with her except I was never happy with myself and that was so unfair on her. They say you cant properly love someone until you love your self. We broke up and she is the love of my life and I wish I had fixed my self before I got with her because now I'm very suicidal that I lost her and that's my fault bcoz I didnt get the help I needed before I got in to a relationship. Depression and breakups dont mix well.
 
GravityUtilizer

GravityUtilizer

Veteran
May 22, 2020
117
167
35, no serious girlfriends. Not as bothered as I used to be though. I think, being the independent (loner) type I would struggle in a typical setup. Some kind of 'middle distance' relationship (serious enough but only see each other occasionally) might suit me but I don't think that's a thing...
 
SpottedPanda

SpottedPanda

I'm all about coffee and cigarettes
Jul 24, 2019
615
1,264
United Kingdom
I'm 37, and haven't had a relationship worth anything since 2012, and even then, it was stressful, agonising, and hard work.

I keep thinking of the line 'it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all', but relationships, as well as being at times pleasant, have been some of the biggest stressors of my life. If you don't know what you're missing, I can't imagine it being all that bad.

With that said, in my twenties I was relatively shy, and the only time I ever had success was with online dating. You can really take your time and word things well, give a great impression, no matter who you are.

I wouldn't expect much from Tinder. The entire culture surrounding it is wham bam thank you mam, and the competition is fierce.

Plenty of Fish or even Match dot com might be better solutions. Tinder seems like a haven for bed hoppers. Other, more relaxed and in depth sites seem to be better suited for finding a true connection.
 
Bct

Bct

Disqualified from Being Human
Apr 20, 2020
419
633
Since when I was able to type from your account? LOL.

Will be 27 this year. While I had a relationship once, it barely last a month. I have way more ex-crushes than ex-girlfriend, probably more than 20 girls over the years.

I’m quite attractive but of course that won’t enable me to have a relationship. Most failures were caused by my obliviousness (especially in the early years) and my shitty personality. I’m struggling with low self-esteem for my entire life. People may say “Just be confident” but sure it’s a hard task when basically I have no worth to offer on dating scene.

I’ve joined local PUA community, but I’m still as shitty as before. I barely successful at approaching & I feel horrible when I see others were successful in their approaches. I never even have a proper first date, LOL.

I also got lots of matches in Tinder but none worked. Not especially in my depressive state when I don’t have any energy to think what to message.

Look at someone near me? Well, she even ghosted me even though people said we would look good as a couple, and they commented that before I had any feelings on her so it’s not I coerced people to say something I want to hear. Surely I’m not good enough for dating. Combine this with having no close friends & family, it’s a surefire way for eternal loneliness. Why bother to life at this state?
 
nixonnate32

nixonnate32

Master
Mar 17, 2018
413
1,047
Tinder isn't a good place to find someone IMO. IMO Tinder is better for hookups, and it is only useful if you have looks.
Plenty Of Fish tends to be a better spot. OK Cupid also is OK, but depending on your area you might find worse results there. Still, it is worth having a profile in both places since both are free. Just note spam and scams.
Seconded. Though I probably wouldn’t recommend online dating. You may find luck, but the chance is very slim and most likely you’re gonna find women who are on there just to gain orbiters for their ego and will ghost you if you don’t have it in the looks department or money. Or to find sugar daddies or whatever. Don’t bother with the ones who have high demands or say “no more games, I want a real man”. They’re just shit testers who’ve already gone on the cock carosel and are just looking for their “Mr.Right” now that they’ve hit the wall.
Not to mention bots.
 
F

Fullof pain

Veteran
Jul 1, 2020
125
201
Being sensitive isn't a negative thing, it means that you are receptive to other people's feelings. We all need to love and be loved back. I can't offer up any useful advice on dating apps, etc. But I am utterly convinced that there is someone out there for all of us, it just doesn't always happen within the time frame we would like. Personally, I think you can get a sense of someone better in a face to face interaction, you can feel if there is a spark there.
 
M

mem12

Member
Jun 24, 2020
35
31
29
UK
Don’t be on tinder, this is just a hook up app. Use like Christian dating sites. Salt app, Christian connection.
 
C

coltact

Member
Jun 15, 2020
12
66
I understand that not having a gf can make you feel a bit down but tbh while your currently depressed falling in love is one of the most hardest things while you have this depression. I've been depressed for quite some time and I got a gf and fell in love with her except I was never happy with myself and that was so unfair on her. They say you cant properly love someone until you love your self. We broke up and she is the love of my life and I wish I had fixed my self before I got with her because now I'm very suicidal that I lost her and that's my fault bcoz I didnt get the help I needed before I got in to a relationship. Depression and breakups dont mix well.
the fact you didn't 'fix' yourself before getting with your ex is not your fault. depression and breakups don't mix well, that's true. but it is not your fault. you are a victim in this too, i empathize with your situation
 
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cryptic__egg

cryptic__egg

Elementalist
May 9, 2020
763
3,960
You're so nearly a wizard bro please share the magical powers
 
TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Arcanist
May 26, 2019
515
895
Don’t be on tinder, this is just a hook up app. Use like Christian dating sites. Salt app, Christian connection.
I would only recommend this if you, too, are a bible-believing Christian. If you end up dating ( and likely marrying) a believing Christian, and you are not.... Trust me, you will be MISERABLE. I know this first hand. PM me, if you care for details.
 
DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Specialist
Jun 7, 2020
304
885
I am 22 and never had a boyfriend. Ive dated here and there, but my BPD and trauma always fucked things up

Ill probably be dead by suicide before love comes my way
 
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Close_to_freedom

Close_to_freedom

Why the long face? Cause I don’t wanna live here.
May 19, 2020
422
779
I'm 27. Never had a girlfriend. I am not ugly but never had luck with women due to my personality. I'm a very shy quiet person but with a troubled mind. And now with depression and all this is very difficult and a break-up could lead me to finally ctb . I feel embarrased when I say to therapists that I've never been in a relationship but at least I tell the truth. I know that there are lots of guys who have a wife and children who kill themselves so I know my ctb thoughts will still be in my mind if I'm in a relationship but this partially is why I want to ctb. I have other more important problems though. Sometimes I think love is not for me and I shouldn't worry about that but for some reason it bothers me that I never had a girlfriend.
I know the feeling. But the current crop of women (and men) aren’t so great. The culture is destroyed and everyone is worse of a person because of it.
 
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TimeToBiteTheDust

TimeToBiteTheDust

If you can't fix what's broken you'll go insane.
Nov 7, 2019
1,693
4,175
27
I know the feeling. But the current crop of women (and men) aren’t so great. The culture is destroyed and everyone is worse of a person because of it.
Yeah. I'm 100% sure I'll die single. As day passes I'm more in need to leave this world
 
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