fear

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  1. Baskol1

    [Discussion] I think my eyesight is getting worse

    I fear that my eyesight is already getting worse. I mean im already nearsighted, but i dont want to become blind, or nearly blind. But it seems my eyesight is getting worse, and actually pretty fast. Does anyone here want to kill themselves because of blindness, or near blindness in the future...
  2. Baskol1

    [Discussion] Anyone else feels old?

    Does anyone else here feel old? Im only 20, but feel physically and mentally much older. But i dont look necessarily older. Or do you look much older than your age too? Do you lack energy too, despite being young? Is this a reason too, why you want to ctb?
  3. irregularheartbeat

    [Venting] I can't breath anymore

    I feel suffocated by life. I'm having a very hard tine coping, everything is just so overwhelming. I can't shake the paranoia that I'm doing everything wrong, that everyone around myself hates me and is angry with me. Pretending to be okay is getting harder, I'm trying to wait to CTB until...
  4. Baskol1

    [Discussion] Would you kill yourself if you became deaf and blind?

    Would you kill yourself if you would know that you soon became deaf, and even blind? I would, even if i would know that i only became blind, or nearly blind. A physical disability or illness would be my last straw. This is the only reason why im still alive, because it is not that bad in the...
  5. Baskol1

    [Discussion] Did your parents abuse you too?

    My Mother has verbally abused me as a toddler several times. Called me a useless piece of cap, she called me several times worthless, sometimes she said i would be better of dead, and even more horrific things. Not only that she even kicked me as a toddler several times, screamed at me, and i...
  6. Baskol1

    Someone called the cops

    Someone called the cops on me in another forum because i was honest about my Problems. What should i do now? I dont want to end up in a Psych Ward again. What if they see, that i post here on this forum? Can they demand that i show them where i post? Or should i stay calm and say everything is...
  7. Baskol1

    [Discussion] Did your fears become true?

    I think the worst thing to happen is when your fears/anxieties become actually true. What anxiety did actually become reality? And how did you deal with that?
  8. Baskol1

    [Discussion] The only reason why im still here is because im scared of failing.

    The only reason i did not commit suicide yet, is because im simply scared of failing. Failing, and ending up severely disabled, and or ending up again in a psych ward. Is anyone here only alive too, because of fear of failing to kill yourself? And being stopped before the attempt, or failing and...
  9. Baskol1

    [Discussion] Is anyone else scared of going blind?

    Is anyone else here scared too of going blind? Its not that rational, but the anxiety is making me very depressed. It may sound ridicolous, but i try to avoid bright sunlight, or generally bright lights, because of fear they could Make me blind. And because im sensitive to light. I use generally...
  10. PariahCarey

    [Story] Constantly mourning the loss of my life

    I'm all too used to trying to explain the sharp decline in my body and mind. I'll skip the vivd descriptions of how grotesque my decent into self destruction was. My entire childhood I was one of those short sighted idiots obsessed with his "art" and truly believed it would get me somewhere in...
  11. asaki

    [Venting] Maybe saying this will help

    It's been years of me convincing myself that I'm not suicidal despite it being the first thing on my mind every morning, and months since I've joined this forum. I've seen many be on here for days and leave like that, yet I am nowhere near as brave. Does that make me a coward? My parents were...
  12. Nobodysfault

    [Venting] Knowing suicide is not an option is even worse,

    Yeap its my second venting today.. Knowing suicide is not an option is even worse, it terrifies me because it will bring me to a final lost of the little sanity i still hold onto. Seriously, it doesnt mean compromising on life- it means losing my mind and make things worse beyond any...
  13. 15dec

    [Discussion] Self-grief

    How do you cope knowing you are going to ctb? Is there anything specific you’ve done, other than researching methods to help come to terms with it? I’ve been writing short stories and poems about my reasoning for ctb, as well as what I hope the afterlife will be like. I think it’s helping me to...
  14. Tiburcio

    I tried it but i can't. i'm scared as fuck.

    I decided today was the day. It's the perfect moment for doing it. My parents will come back in a week so I thought if I had a lot of time for myself it would give me confidence and valor for hanging myself. But no. I was pushed back again. That irrational fear I spoke about so many times...
  15. Tiburcio

    [Discussion] Does someone have weird phobias?

    I mean, have you a so weird phobia that makes you ashamed of talking about it? That kind of phobias that you can't believe they exist until you see it. Well... This is your place! I personally have two strange fears that I don't know their name. -This can sound surrealistic for people who...
  16. Tiburcio

    I want it, i must do it... but i fear it.

    I'm very sure of what I'm going to do and it's the best option I have and I really want to do it. If you are going to say me to live more time or waiting until somethings change, don't write, you are not welcome in my thread. Each time I hear it I feel myself being stabbed. I know very well...
  17. Mikulal1995

    Why i still haven't done it

    What I like about this forum is that I can finally write about suicide without sounding alarm bells and receiving threats of forced hospitalizations and police welfare checks. I've been through it all: hospitals, medication, treatment, self-encouragement, everything. I don't have too much time...
  18. NoLifeNoPain

    [Discussion] Fear of death

    We all want it, but we all also fear it. Survival instinct. How are you going to defeat this ugly monster that keeps you away from your goal?